Tom Foolery

It was October 31st, 2005, and it was our first Halloween in our first apartment. We had a bowl of candy at the ready, the porch light on, and a Jack O Lantern flickering on the steps.

No one came.

As we munched the candy, and watched The Blair Witch Project, we decided we weren't ready to throw the towel in yet when it came to Halloween. We had to make it fun again, and we had been toying with the idea of hosting some kind of themed party.

The Estelle Halloween Party was born.

We're already on our 8th one. We held it when we had a 2 month old (who had her first sleepover at Nana's that night). We held it during a blizzard- partially because none of us really believed it was going to snow that much- boy, were we wrong. That was a party to remember.

We buy a quarter of a keg of Sam Adams Octoberfest, and everyone brings something to eat. There's dancing, games and general tom foolery. We have two "Guess How Many?" jars of candy for people to guess, and we give away small prizes for Best and Funniest Costumes (voted on by everyone at the party).

The costumes are a hoot-Sarah Palin, Pillsbury Dough Boy, Judge Judy, Travelocity Gnome and Flavor Flav are just a few that have shown up at the party. A Dunkin Donuts Iced Coffee and Progressive Flo are some of my favorites that I have dressed up as.

We can't wait to host this party once again, tomorrow night. It's official- Halloween is fun again!

This Fall. Right Now.

I can't remember ever enjoying Fall as much as I do this year.

We made a huge leaf pile with the kids. As they "buried" me, sound slowly muffled, leaf stems poked me in every direction and the crisp aroma of fallen leaves overtook me. I had forgotten how cool the world looks through a tangle of orange and brown leaves and stems.

We put up our bird feeder a few weeks ago. I've always enjoyed watching the birds, but I've never noticed the sequence in which they came until this Fall. The Chickadees found the feeder right away. Next came a Mourning Dove, and just now I saw a Junco hopping around the bottom.

I've said it before: this is my first Fall in over 3 years that I'm not either pregnant or taking care of a wee, wee one (under 14 months old). Every day my kids are a little more capable, and every day I feel like I awaken a little bit more.

I'm noticing so many things around me, a lot of them nature-related. I feel very in tune with our house, our yard and our little corner of the world in general.

I am content.

Champagne Breakfast

About 48 hours from now, bacon will be frying, homemade cinnamon rolls will be put out, and the first coffees, mimosas and bloody marys will be served.

It's time for an annual tradition- the Columbus Day Champagne Breakfast- at our camps in Vermont.

It won't be the same this year. It'll be our first one without Grampa Pease.

I'll never forget the smile he would put on his face as he surveyed the scene around him- his wife, siblings, friends, kids, grandkids and great grandkids- talking, laughing, enjoying a champagne breakfast in the fresh, cool morning air in the middle of the Vermont woods.

The look on his face was one of contentment- if I had to put it into words, it would be: "This is what life is all about. Family and friends coming together and enjoying themselves. I feel like the richest man in the world right now."

So this year, we continue the tradition in his honor. Breakfast food after breakfast food will be prepared. The champagne will flow, and cards (Pitch and Cribbage) will be played. If I know this family, a toast will be made to Gramp. I'll be more than happy to raise my glass to one of the best men I have ever known.

Reflections a Year Later: The Mental Part

I still find myself passing by racks of clothes in certain stores that I knew never had my size.

Except, that was when I was an extra large in shirts, and a 16 in jeans. I'm proud to say that I'm now a medium (sometimes a small) and a 6 in jeans, a recent development. My 8's were getting baggy.

Even though I did the hard work myself, no one did it for me, I still find myself in disbelief. In the past month, I ran into three people I hadn't seen in a long time, and the first words out of their mouths was some variation of: "Wow! You're skinny!".

I walked on air the rest of the day, following those three separate occasions.

I never heard the word "skinny" in association with my former 200+ pound self. I weigh less now (147) than I have my entire adult life. You know how most people look back at their high school or college pictures, wistful? Not me. I cringe. How did I let myself get so big? Why did I think that was okay? Why did I immediately tune out the doctor when she took out her BMI chart, and showed me how I was entering the red zone- the obese zone?

The truth is, I did think it was okay. I still convinced myself that I looked "good enough". I didn't see a reason to change my habits. That was, until I realized I was passing my bad habits onto my children, which I wrote about in this post. That's what finally prompted my 62 pound weight loss.

I don't always feel "skinny". I still have times where I eat a little too much, and my stomach grumbles at me, "Why?". The difference between now and a year ago, is that my healthy eating has become a habit, not something I have to continuously think about. Because I eat clean 85-90% of the time, I do indulge a little here and there the other 10-15% of the time. I know I can have a cider donut and not have it set me back 5 lbs. I know that I can eat that extra slice of pizza because it's not something I have often at all, unlike before.

I finally bought my first "for fun" clothing purchase since my weight loss (losing weight is awesome, rebuilding your entire wardrobe on a fixed income is not). It's a cute little dress. It's not something I'll be able to wear this year because it's considerably colder out, but definitely next. I hope to go out dancing in it, or to a date night or maybe wear it just because. It's the kind of thing I almost walked right by, forgetting that now I can wear this dress. They carried my size- medium.

One on One

Dishes were piled in the sink. Toys were strewn all over the house.

Rosie and I were in the midst of a very giggly game of Memory.

It was bath night, and Steve was giving Buddy a bath. I love to do all sorts of things with my kids, but bath time is not one of them. Steve stepped forward months ago and offered to be the one who gives baths, provided I would dress them/ clip their nails/ brush their hair afterwards. Deal!

It's been one of the best changes we've made in our routine because it guarantees us one on one time with each of the kids, a few times a week.

My instinct is still to want to wash those dishes, pick up those toys, because I mostly operate under a "Work First, Play Later" mentality. However, on bath nights, my time with each kid is limited so I push the must-do's to the side.

Rosie and I played Memory, then drew some pictures. She drew her first recognizable face! We finished with a book. Steve brought Buddy out, and I dressed him. He immediately brought over his favorite book to me- "Trashy Town"- and I read it him.

I have to pause.

My baby boy, who didn't show interest in books for months and months, now has a favorite book, and wants me to read it to him. Over and over. I'll take it!

Before I knew it, Rosie's bath time was over. Steve brought her out, and I proceeded to get her dressed while he put Buddy down for bed.

On our best days, we run like a finely tuned machine, at least when it comes to who does what, between Steve and I. There isn't anything I do for the kids that he isn't able to do. When he comes home, he does as much as I do, and often times, more. I always knew he would be a great father but every day he exceeds my expectations.

He listened to my offhand comment about not liking bath time months ago, and just took it on. He is a true partner.

It's amazing what such a small change can do!

Monarch

My kids love to be outside, and I couldn't be happier.

They delight in everything I show them- ant hills, Jewel weed seed pods, blackberries. All of a sudden all the little things I learned from childhood- how you can pick clover and taste the sweetness of it, how mica on rocks glitter in the sun- are useful again, in a way they haven't been in years. There is so much to see in every foot of outdoor space, and I enjoy getting down to the kids' level to show them.

This September, after a couple years of searching milkweed after milkweed, I finally found a monarch caterpillar. My excitement fed off onto Rosie & Buddy, and they very excitedly followed me into the house. Steve drilled some holes in the top of a mason jar, and we put the caterpillar in, with plenty of milkweed.

When asked what we should name her, Rosie exclaimed: "Redda!". So, Redda it was. Rosie ran off to get Eric Carle's "The Very Hungry Caterpillar", so she could read it to Redda. I guess she didn't need me to make that connection for her!

Redda was already quite big when we found her, so it was no surprise to me that in a few days, we found her hanging from the top of the mason jar in a J shape. The next night, a chrysalis formed. It was hard to believe she was in that tiny green casing.

As luck would have it, Redda hatched the one evening that month that Rosie and Buddy were spending the night at Nana & Grampa's. Steve and I let Redda free outside, and watched her test out her new wobbly legs. I took lots of pictures, and emailed them to Nana so she could show the kids.

I'm so happy that my kids delight in the outside and what nature has to offer. I can only hope that their enthusiasm for the outside continues, and that they will always find nature as healing and exciting as I do to this day.

Halfway into 30

Tomorrow marks my half birthday, meaning I'm halfway into my 30th year. I'm quite positive I never realized when my half birthday was until recently, when curiosity found me counting out the months on my fingers.

Anyways, halfway into 30, I've come to realize a few things...

1. I will never like my ankles. It doesn't seem to matter that I've lost 62 lbs, it looks like my ankles are here to stay. Guess you just can't win them all.

2. 30 years (and 15 years into coffee drinking), I finally have the patience and common sense to let my coffee from Dunkin Donuts cool long enough so I don't burn my tongue. This is a recent development. I seriously used to burn my tongue almost every time. So much more enjoyable when I don't! (For the record, I never have and still don't get coffee out very often- I'd like to think I would have learned this much faster if I was a regular).

3. It's no longer an option for me not to moisturize every day. I used to only do so in the dead of winter when I noticed a little dry skin. Now I even use... gasp...night cream. You know what, though? It works pretty well!

4. It will never feel natural to me to get out of bed when it's still pitch dark outside. It makes me feel tired even when I've gotten my 8 hours!

5. I really need to tell people how I feel about them, as often as I can. In the past week, I have told one of my bestest friends how she saves my day, every day, by texting me and making me feel not so alone in my role as a stay at home mom. I have emailed my Pastor, thanking him for his beautiful sermon on Sunday and how much it affected me. I need to reach out and tell people just how much they mean to me, how what they do matters so much, because it's that kind of thing that makes a difference in a person's day and mine.

I'm enjoying this year very much! Looking forward to seeing what else 30 has to teach me.