2.5

My Dear Buddy,

This month you turned two and a half years old. Wow.

See, your sister is 3 (only for one more month, but the fact remains), so the thought of you getting closer to that age with every day makes me scratch my head. Time is going faster than I would like. But you know what's one thing that's been making things a little bit easier?

Ever since Rosie started preschool in January, you and I have gotten a lot more time together, just the two of us. And now we have our own little routines and traditions, don't we?

When you were first born, I bemoaned the fact that you would never get me to yourself. You also had a 16 month old sister who needed lots and lots of care and love. I worried that I wouldn't be able to concentrate on you enough.

It all worked out. You both got the love, attention and care that you needed and deserved. I learned that a mother's love, and her abilities, only increase the more children she has. From the day you were born, it was always the 3 of us, Monday- Friday while Dad worked. When Rosie started preschool, we almost didn't know what to do with ourselves.

Almost.

Then we discovered that we had a little more flexibility, it just being the two of us. We zipped in and out of stores when needed, and some days we went to the local pet store just to gaze at the fish and the birds because you enjoyed it. We went to Look Park and you got to decide what we did and where we went.

As the littlest in the family, these decisions were not usually made by you, and up until the past half year, you couldn't vocalize what you wanted. I could see the thrill in your eyes as I started to say "Yes" a lot more on our mornings together.

One of our little traditions we started, inspired by our good friend and her little boy, is that we began trying out pastries from different bakeries about once a week. We usually choose a muffin and split it. It's a small luxury that we both enjoy.

I'm loving this time with you, Buddy. I enjoy our little inside jokes and the way you get excited about the things we do together. You're quite the little guy.

Love you forever,
Mama

Our Turn

After a week of wondering when the first call would be, Steve's radio went off.

Goshen firefighters were to respond to a box alarm, in town. Off he went, not knowing what to expect. He's still not home, 3.5 hours later, and I am looking forward to hearing all about his experience.

I'm now the wife of a firefighter!

It was sometime last Fall- I was reading the paper, and in particular, the umpteenth article about how volunteer firefighters were needed. Numbers have dwindled, and like every other committee or group in small towns, it's been hard to find enough people that will help and commit their time. It was then that I read a quote that I don't believe I will ever forget from a local fire chief:

"It used to be that people moved into a community and said, 'What can do I do for the town?' Now it seems that people move into a community and say, 'What can the town do for me?'"

Unfortunately, I can't tell you which individual said this, or what issue of the Gazette it was.

What I can tell you is that quote resonated with me. Steve had mentioned joining the fire department, but my first thought was that it seemed a little crazy with how busy our lives already were.

This quote made me remember: everyone's lives are busy. It's not an excuse to not give back to the town you live in. Paper in hand, I entered the room Steve was in and told him he really should do the fire department if it interested him. He had my full support.

I know how many times he encouraged me to do things- school committee, the COA position, Historical Society, Assistant Town Clerk: all dealing with the town. Having your spouse's unwavering support means the world. It was great to be able to hand that support to him, for a change, in a new venture he wanted to pursue.

So here we are. We don't really have an idea of how much this will change our lives yet, but we're willing to give it a go. Many people in both of our families have served their towns. It's our turn now.

I Get It

I should compile a short list of the things I "didn't get" when I was in my 20's: Interior decorating. People who enjoyed yard work. Coupon cutting.

Also on that list? People who liked to putter around in their garden.

Now, in our first year of turning out a successful garden: I get it.

I get why people are so excited about ordering seeds and buying vegetable plants at the local stand. I get why people find joy in seeing green unfurl from the dark, rich soil. I get why people find a reason to poke around their garden at least once a day, and most of all: I totally get the satisfaction of going out to your back yard, picking a few vegetables and cooking them up for dinner.

It's kind of awesome.

Year after year, I bought zucchini, squash, green beans, beets and tomatoes from the grocery store and local farm stands. Not this year. Now they're (miraculously) growing in our very own raised beds. In fact, I have so many more things I want to grow next year, that we are pondering doing a regular garden again so we'll have more room.

Yet another added benefit to growing our own vegetables? Watching our kids enjoy them. I had pulled some carrots out, rinsed them, and set them down on one of our lawn chairs. I had my back turned for a second, and when I came back, what did I see?

My picky eater, Rosie, chowing down on the carrots like there was no tomorrow. There was two carrot greens at her feet, and the remainder of the third carrot disappeared in a loud crunch. Buddy did the same thing with green beans the next day. It has been nothing short of amazing to me.

I had forgotten the liberty kids feel when they can access food (garden veggies, berries off bushes) by themselves, whenever they want.

The whole garden experience: I get it now.

A Letter to My Former 200+ lb Self

When I was over 200 lbs, my notion of a healthy lifestyle was salads and extreme exercise.

Thus, I didn't do it. I hated both of those things, unless the first was covered in blue cheese dressing.

This is what I wish I could tell that girl:

Dear me,

Healthy eating does not have to boring, or tasteless, or difficult. There are SO many things available that are good for you AND taste good. You have to identify which healthy foods you enjoy, and go with it. Here are some of what your favorites will be in 5 years when you weigh 60 lbs less:

1. Vanilla yogurt with fresh berries and a few chocolate chips

2. Carrots or cucumbers dipped in roasted red pepper hummus

3. Roasted veggies!! All these years you thought you didn't like veggies. In reality, you just hadn't ever had them prepared in a way that was appealing! A little bit of olive oil, a pinch of salt and some roasting turns most any vegetable into little gems of deliciousness that you could eat all day long.

3. Fish. Salmon, cod, haddock, you name it.

You can lose the weight, you are not destined to be large forever. Pretty soon you'll have two little ones to chase after and it will break their hearts and yours if you can't keep up. If you don't even try to keep up.

Do it for them, but most of all, do it for you. You don't need to become a crazy exerciser but you do need to keep your body moving. Walk whenever possible, even standing instead of sitting makes a difference.

Water is your best friend. The more you drink of it, the better you feel. It helps the body constantly flush itself out. All those headaches you experienced as a teenager and in your 20's? Most definitely caused by not being hydrated enough. Start off by downing a bottle of room temp water after you have your breakfast in the morning. You won't believe the difference you feel.

You can do this, and you're going to do it through a realistic plan that doesn't cut anything completely out. You're not going to deprive yourself because, as you know, that always backfires. You can still eat chocolate every day, but in a much smaller amount. You can still eat bread, and pasta, and all those good things you love dearly, but you're going to watch your portions and be aware of how many calories you're consuming and what exactly is in the food you're eating.

Before you know it, these new ways of thinking (like eating every 3 hours instead of saving up for 3 big meals) will be habit and the weight will start to come off. You will reach a point when the scale doesn't seem to want to go any lower, and that's okay. That means you've reached your happy weight. It's the weight your body feels most comfortable at with the new, healthy habits you've established.

You've got this. Your future, 150 lb self is sure of it.

Love,
Me

At Last

At last, we had a trip that didn't leave me thinking: "I need a vacation from that vacation!"

Traveling with little ones can be difficult. You're away from the comforts of home, and in a smaller space (hotel room). You're most likely off schedule and at least slightly overtired.

You'll most likely need a drink. Or two.

The first time we attempted this trip, the kids were 6 months and 22 months, respectively. I honestly don't know how we fit everything into the car that time- two pack n plays, bottles, etc. - but we did. That trip exhausted me. I remember I even packed my book for our first day on the beach. It's hilarious to me now! I don't know why I thought I'd have the time or the hands free to turn the pages of a paperback.

I remember being glad to be on our first beach trip as a family, but also wistful at the thought of what we used to do on the beach all day before kids- read, nap, repeat. 

The following year was a bit better. We had a bigger room, the kids were a little older and more flexible. However, it was smack dab in the middle of a heat wave. You wouldn't think this would matter on a beach trip, but we were all sweating by 9am, and the sand was the hottest I'd ever felt it which left the kids crying and whining (not that we could blame them. I pretty much felt like crying and whining by then, too). It was a better trip, but I still left it feeling more tired than when I started it.

Fast forward to last week. Hampton Beach Trip #3. Knowing exactly what room we'd have, we were able to plan better. Rosie actually remembered the trip from last year, and seemed to really soak it in and enjoy it. Buddy loved the waves and getting dirty and messy in the sand. Steve and I had more than one moment when we looked at each other in awe- was it possible, after 3 years, that we were all finally really enjoying ourselves?

It seemed too good to be true.

I relaxed on this trip. I caught myself dancing to the Beatles tribute band they had one night. I found myself laughing a lot with my husband, which is one of my very favorite things to do in this world. I lightened up, lowered my expectations, and had a marvelous time. I even came home feeling refreshed!

I'm already looking forward to our next family trip. You wouldn't have caught me saying that before so easily.

What I Want to Remember

What I want to remember right now

- is the way Buddy took my hand yesterday and clear as day said: "Come play, mama".
  8 months ago I was worried he had a speech delay. Now he talks up a storm.

- is that there is no such thing as wearing a dress in Rosie's world. Each and every dress is called a "spinning dress", thank you very much, and the purpose of said dress is in the preceding word- one must spin and twirl and spin again.

- is the feeling of freedom and flexibility that comes with Steve being out of school for the year.

- is the kids' sense of equality. If I hand one of them something, he or she insists that their sibling get one as well, even if they aren't in the same vicinity at the time. Without fail, their sibling loyalty prevails.

- is the way life seems ever-busy from the first minute of the day to the last minute of the evening, more so than I can ever remember, but that it also feels full. And good. And happy.