Saying Goodbye

I brought our 10 year old Scoutie to the vet because something was not right. He was slow-moving, had little appetite, had troubling going #2 and seemed bloated. The vet took x-rays and before I knew it, we went from talking about more minor issues to talking about a huge mass on his spleen.

So huge, the vet could not even see Scout's spleen anymore. It was a huge, twisted mass, that had grown so fast, it was scary. His abdominal cavity was also filling with fluid. If they put him on the operating table, he could pass away. Even if he survived, the vet said it might only buy him a few months. And then, she had to put the other option on the table.

The goodbye.

The goodbye that could be done at the office or at our home. The goodbye that I was so not ready to give, that we're never ready to give to those we love. Commence crying, hugging, phone calls. I knew in my heart what had to be done, and I ached and ached. See, in front of me, he was still there! He was still himself! Laying on the floor of the vet's office, patiently waiting for us to go home. My Scoutie. My first "baby". The one Steve and I picked out together at Second Chance Animal Shelter (it turned out that Steve and I were his third owners. We called him our Third Chance Beagle. Why had the others given him away? Because he acted too much like a Beagle. I wish I was kidding.)

I knew we would do it at home. We made an appointment for the next afternoon at 3pm. Those 24 hours between then and when it happened? It was a blessing and a curse. I was acutely aware of every minute. It was his last car ride. It was his last quarry walk (he still wanted to take a big walk in the quarry that evening! It was lovely and confusing at the same time.) It was his last supper. It was the last time the kids would day goodnight to him before they went to bed.

Oh, the kids. Our sweet kids who loved Scout without abandon. Who always made time to get down to his level and pet his smooth fur. The vet helped us with how we should talk to them. She said they were way too young for final goodbyes. That we should just prepare them... "Scoutie is very, very sick. We're going to take him to the vet and see what they can do." The vet said it was imperative that the kids, upon reflection as they got older, would know that we, as their parents, had tried to do something. And we did. We did not want this to happen, but we could not put him through a potentially unsuccessful surgery with unknown outcome. I really appreciated that the vet helped us with how to talk to them.

Back to the lasts... it was the last time I would see both Maggie and Scout file into our bedroom to go to sleep on their respective beds. It was the last time I would enter my room, and see Scout so peacefully resting in his bed. It was the last morning that I got up, and both dogs came out of the room with me...

We fed Scout all the delicious people food he could manage. The vet said to spoil him, and I did my best. He, Maggie and I went on another last walk in the field behind our house. And wouldn't you know it? He was on a scent, doing the Beagle grunt, and howling! Yanking at the leash! Dog owners can appreciate this: he even had his first normal BM in days, at which point I looked up at the sky and said "God, why are you making me doubt this decision?" But my heart knew that appearances can be deceiving. The vet told us that without surgery, the spleen was going to burst any day, and he would bleed internally. He was also having some labored breathing because of that huge mass. I took that last field walk for what it was: one of Scoutie's Greatest Hits, where he got to be in true Beagle form.

3pm too long and way too quick all at the same time. The vet came with her technician, and we were all cross-legged in Scout's favorite room, the wood stove room. He wagged his tail at them and smelled their hands. After a while, they gave him a tranquilizer to calm him, but he still knew Steve and I were there. Then I did one of the hardest but absolutely necessary things I've ever had to do.

I got right down there with him, my face to his, cradling his soft Beagle head in my hands, petting him, and words started spewing out of me between tears. "You've been such a good boy. We love you, Scout. We love you so much. Rosie loves you. Buddy loves you. Dad loves you. I love you..." and that's about all I was able to get out before I saw the light leave his eyes and his body go quiet and still.

Oh, my Scoutie.

I had never been there at the moment death happens. It was so surprisingly quick, and peaceful, and I can say with certainty that the spirit leaves the body. I knew I was no longer cupping Scout, only his cute Beagle face.

I'm glad I was able to be there for him in his last minutes, and I'm not quite sure from what well I was able to muster the strength to do so, but it was exactly how it had to happen. In his and our home, in the woodstove room, my face to his.

Steve and I buried him together on the back hill behind our house. We buried him in his bed, with a few bones, a rope toy, and one of those horrendously smelly calf hooves he used to love to chew (really, they sell them at our local pet supply store.) We cried. It was so tough. But we were able to laugh some because man, he was a stubborn little Beagle. But we loved him for it.

Telling the kids once Nana brought them home, was so tough. Especially with Buddy saying "You're tricking!" three of four times before he realized we weren't. We try to explain the spirit to them, and Rosie seems quite reassured that Scoutie is now in Heaven with Great Grampa.

It's been two days, and while the pain seems a little less acute every day, it's still there, gnawing at us in the moments we least expect. But we just have to let grief do its thing. We loved our first dog deeply, and we had to say goodbye. At least for now.

We love you, Scout.

Things that will never get old

1. That very first sip of coffee at 6am.

2. A smidge of butter and a layer of peanut butter on toast with that coffee.

3. Calling my husband to hear his voice on his way into work.

4. Spying a hummingbird at the feeder in the early morning light.

5. Gently waking my kids and inhaling their sweet, sleepy scent as I give them good morning hugs.

6. Walking outside and being able to tell that it's going to be a gorgeous day.

7. Bringing my lunch outside later that day, and savoring the taste and good conversation.

8. Feeling productive yet not overwhelmed.

9. Seeing Rosie and her friend hop excitedly off the van after school, and seeing Buddy get caught up in the excitement, too.

10. Planning, preparing and cooking healthy, delicious suppers that my whole family enjoys.

11. Stretching my legs with a much-welcomed walk after supper, when the sun has lowered enough that it's not scorching my back.

12. Finally easing into bed under soft sheets and blankets and opening the book I'm currently into, getting lost in another world.


What never gets old in your life?

What I'm Thankful for this Week

This week I find myself thankful for:

1. Perfect, gorgeous weather three days in a row. I was outside as much as possible!

2. A planted garden. This is our biggest garden yet, and I can't wait to see what we yield from it. (More garden blog posts to come.)

3. Steve putting the kids to bed so that I can go on an hour long walk after supper, my favorite time of the day to do so. We give each other time to exercise because we realize its importance to our mental and physical health.

4. Sharing a glass of wine with Steve in the late afternoon sunshine, while he grills the steaks, with the kids running and shrieking around us.

5. Being able to eat lunch outside all 3 beautiful days in a row, and watching Buddy delight in it, also. I swear our lunch tastes ten times better when we're enjoying it under a bright blue sky and talking about the swallowtail butterfly that visits us every day!

No surprise here: all of the above involved being outside. I am a Goshen Girl through and through and when it's sunny and in the 70s with low humidity, you won't find me in the house.

I'll be out by the garden. Or pushing my kid on the swing. Or... anywhere but inside!

Happy

Buddy is absolutely infatuated with Rosie's bus driver. It's the cutest thing I've ever seen.

I should re-phrase. Helen* is Rosie's van driver. We are sooo spoiled. Helen pulls the van up our long driveway and we don't have to leave the house until the second she turns on the flashing lights. Buddy accompanies Rosie and myself out to the van, and has started conversing with Helen every pick-up and drop-off.

Helen is the most kindest, sweetest person you could ever imagine. She is exactly the kind of person that made me feel okay about parting ways with my little Kindergartner last Fall. I knew my little girl was in good hands.

Buddy's latest thing is that he has to give Helen something every time he sees her, morning and afternoon. Whether it's a card, or a special rock, he's got it covered. He's been doing this for days now! And every day, twice a day, she reacts as though he has given her a piece of gold. I watch him watch her reaction, and see how pleased he is at how his small tokens of love are being appreciated.

Last week, as soon as Helen and Rosie pulled away, he tugged on my arm. "Mom, is preschool done? When can I go to Kindergarten?" He obviously wants nothing more than to hop on that van with his sister, and his "girlfriend" and see what the world has to offer. Not yet, little dude. I'm not in a hurry to see you both off to school every day. We have another 15 months left before that happens.

I did feel the need to just make sure he knew he didn't have to give Helen something every time he saw her. With the patience of someone much older, Buddy said: "I know that, mom. But I just want to make her happy!"

There's no arguing with that. In fact, it sounds like one of the main keys to any successful friendship or relationship. What if we all just tried to make each other happy without expecting anything in return? I really think our kids have life figured a bit more than we give them credit for.

These Boots are Made for Hiking

I bought my first pair of hiking shoes yesterday, and I'm still grinning.

I've got plans.

I'm not talking Appalachian Trail type plans, but I am talking about going into the woods much more than I currently am. My footwear was so woefully inadequate until now. Asics running shoes are not meant for deep wood, make-your-own-trail-as-you-try-to-follow-an-old-road-from-225-years-ago hiking. Neither are winter boots. You know how some women have a closet full of footwear? I'm not one of those women. I've been getting around in the woods with the most pathetic of shoes.

Not anymore! These puppies were on sale at a local store for 20% off. The moment I put them on, I knew it was meant to be. These were the first hiking shoes that did not pinch my toes or the bunion on my left foot. The brand, for those of you who also like a roomier toe space, is Keen. I. Love. These. Shoes. Did I mention they're waterproof?

(It occurred to me, as I thought about purchasing them, that I could do a price comparison online. The part of me that wants to save every dollar begged me to do this. But I shook it off. I still love a good, local, brick and mortar store. If I want them to stick around, I can't try to always get something cheaper online. For $5-$10 more, I help my local economy? That's priceless.)

I was able to break my shoes in yesterday on two separate occasions, but apparently a mark of a really good shoe is that you don't have to break them in. They're already super comfy, like I've been wearing them for days.

Between this, and a natural repellent to ward off ticks that I hope works, I'm now, finally, officially woods-ready. Bring on the trails, the non-trails, and all the beauty and majesty that nature has to offer!

Thoughts for the week

There have been a few sayings, expressions, mottos if you will, that have been rolling around in my head lately. Here are some of them:

1. Simplify. I love living in the country and enjoying its slower pace (if I can ignore the 50 mph traffic on route 9!). However, there are so many things that distract me from what's right in front of me. "Putting down the phone" has been one of the best things I've ever done. As soon as I pick up it back up, I get sucked into a world of back and forth emails and drama on Facebook. I don't need that. I want to Simplify.

2. Not every action requires a reaction. This has been a tough one for me to figure out over my life. I'm an Aries, after all! When something came my way that I saw as threatening or unfair, I would respond quickly. This is not so wise. When I'm seeing red, it is absolutely the worst time to respond. I am getting better at stepping back and letting the anger and frustration subside before reacting. And then there are some things in this world that don't require reactions at all. I don't have to fight every battle. I have to realize which ones are important enough to make a stand about, and let the other things wash over me.

3. The way people act towards me says more about them than it does me. This has been another hard one to learn. Yes, sometimes, when a person is acting more distantly then usual, it is because I have done something to offend them. But more often than not, it's because they're going through personal turmoil. We've all been there: when there's something difficult going on in our lives, we know we're acting "weird" around our family and friends as we try to deal with it. Something we can do for the people we love is to give them the grace to "act weird" once in a while and not take it so personally on our end.

I'm still learning, every day, how to improve myself, my relationships, and I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to finding that inner peace and strength that will get me through anything.

Daily Rituals

"Listen to your body" is something we hear time and time again. There is so much truth to it! With every year that passes, I learn to recognize my body's cues more easily. I've learned that not taking care of one part of my life will affect the other parts... not enough sleep turns to making poor eating decisions. Poor eating decisions turns to not feeling well, physically or mentally, because I'm not fueling my body with the nutritious food that it needs.

I fully admit that this past week has been a doozy, and I have not taken care of myself in the ways I know I need to operate efficiently. This got me thinking about the every day things, the daily rituals, that make me feel my best:

1. A minimum of 7 hours of sleep, preferably more. You better believe I try to get the "preferably more" on the weekend, despite reports that we should all be getting up at the same time every day! I think whoever decided that did not usually rise at 5:30am.

2. Coffee and breakfast, alone, in quiet, with my laptop, before the kids get up.

3. Quality time with my kids and my husband. Putting down devices and focusing on them.

4. Nutritious meals and snacks. Not overindulging.

5. Lots and lots of water. When I am consciously treating my body right, I can easily down 4 bottles of water before Noon. It makes all the difference in the world. I'm less hungry and I think more clearly. Do not under-estimate the power of water.

6. Connecting with close friends via FB and texting a few times each day.

7. Reading the newspaper. Yep, I'm old school. I love having the newspaper delivered and reading it every day over lunch.

8. Moving around a lot! I am happiest when I am up and about doing things, taking walks, doing yoga.

9. Getting outside. Sunlight, fresh air. Need I say more?

10. Ending my day with a few chapters from the book I'm currently reading.

All of the above make for the happiest, best version of me.

What are the daily rituals that keep you running at your best?

First Sentence

My kids are slaying me lately.

What I mean is, they are doing the absolute cutest things that makes me want to freeze them at exactly the ages they are now- 5.5 and 4. Earlier in the month, Buddy "won" me a beautiful broach at the Penny Social. A week later...

I was standing at the stove, going about supper preparations, and Rosie comes running into the kitchen. I don't know about the kids in your life, but my kids literally never walk anywhere. Can you imagine how much better shape all of us grown-ups would be in if we did the same? But I digress...

"Mama! I made something for you!" she says, excitedly. I smile because my little miss Rosie, who is not always in the best of moods after a long bus ride and an even longer school day, has transitioned and is now ready to engage. I bend over to look, expecting the usual house, rainbow, stick figures, and, instead, I see clear as day in all capital letters:

I LOVE MOM

My eyes immediately well up. She's come home from school with printed sentences, sure, but this was the very first time I had seen a sentence of hers that she had written at home, unprompted,and completely by herself.

I hugged her tightly and told her how much it meant to me. At that moment, Steve called on his way home from work, and I put him on speaker phone, and the three of us talked about it.

I keep that sentence she wrote in a special place. I never want to lose the first note my daughter ever gave me.

A Small Goal

One of the many things I admired about both of my grandmothers was their ability to identify wildflowers, cultivated flowers, birds and wildlife. While a bit of it did stick with me over the years, when they passed, I no longer walked with anyone who knew these things, and so many of the flowers around me went unidentified.

It was six years ago when I was pregnant with Rosie and we moved back here, to my childhood home. There's definitely a difference between how you see the land when you're a kid, and then when it's yours as an adult. I could not believe the multitude of flowers that sprung up everywhere around the yard, and how very few I realized I knew by name.

So, I had good intentions. The next spring I took photos of the flowers as they popped out, and since I didn't have a flower reference book, I compared to photos on the internet. I had some luck, but others I could not find. My project was shortly abandoned.

Fast forward to now. Our family friend, Jon, happens to be a plant and soil sciences major. He knows most all of the wildflowers, like my grandmothers did! With his help, after 6 years, I'm finally identifying the flowers on our property: Siberian squill, Bloodroot, Lesser celandine, and Creeping Charlie, to name a few.  We've identified 12 in total so far, and I couldn't be more thrilled.

I want to share this knowledge with my kids, like my grandmothers did with me, and if I have the pleasure of living to a well-ripened age, I'll share with my grandkids, too.

It's a very small goal that I am happy to be making progress on once again.

A Month Later

It's been one month since I put down my cell phone, and here's what I've learned:

1. A watch is a wonderfully useful device. I can check the time and not be bombarded with notifications of 8 emails and 5 texts.

2. Carrying a book on me is priceless. I can't believe I ever stopped bringing my book to waiting rooms in lieu of scrolling through my phone.

3. The anxiety we may feel when email after email from our boss rolls in is self-inflicted. Yes, there are many jobs where you need to be on top of your email at all times. Thankfully, my jobs do not require this. There isn't anything that can't wait a few hours. 24 hours of accessibility is something we have brought upon ourselves, and only we can reverse it.

4. You know what was happening when I was staring down at my phone over a month ago? Life. Kids wanting to show me a crocus peaking out of the leaves. Dogs wanting a scratch under the chin. The beauty of afternoon sunshine filling my kitchen, waiting to be appreciated. Now that I've regulated myself to only looking at my cell a few times a day, I am present. I am here. I'm taking it all in- the good and the bad- and not hiding from it behind my phone.

5. My expensive cell phone is also my camera, and I'm not going to feel badly about grabbing it to snap a photo here and there, as long as it doesn't completely interfere with the moment. It's great to capture an experience, it's not great to ignore the company of everyone around me because I'm engrossed in documenting every single thing.

6. If I feel like posting something to Facebook once or twice throughout the day, it's ok. I can do that, and walk away without scrolling through my newsfeed. The two do not have to go hand in hand. Facebook is one of the places where I chronicle my life, and that's not a bad thing.

7. I am schedule-oriented. If I tell myself I'm putting the cell down at x o'clock and not looking at it again until x o'clock, I can do that. My friendships have not suffered, I have not suffered. Nothing but good has come out of self-regulating.

8. Leaving my cell behind became more and more natural as the weeks went on. I didn't think twice about leaving it in the car when we visited friends last weekend. I was there to visit, and if there was a moment when I wasn't engrossed in conversation, I didn't need to take my phone out and swipe through it until someone wanted my attention again. What used to be considered completely rude has become commonplace. I want to teach my kids another way.

I've officially broken free from my "pacifier", and it really is freeing. There's no way I'm going back to the way I was before. I don't think it's coincidence that many more blog posts have come to mind in the past month. Simply put, my mind is now actively engaged in this beautiful world around me, and inspiration is there.

I can't wait to share it with you.

Penny Social

Last weekend we went to our church's penny social with Steve's family, and, to my delight, my grandfather, Marge, Uncle Scott and Therese also came! There was a delicious spaghetti supper, followed by the largest dessert table I've ever seen. I can appreciate folks like this!

There was also a terrific raffle, with items ranging from a pocket knife to maple syrup to wagon rides. I did mention this was in the hilltowns, right? I loved every minute of it.

We let the kids have a few tickets to put in for items that they wanted. Lo and behold, our table of 11 won 11 items, including a purple flower broach that Buddy had won with one of his tickets. He sat on my lap, and together, he and I Oohed and Ahhed over it. I said "Buddy, this is so pretty!"

"Mama," he says, "I put my ticket in for you. This is for you, for your birthday!" (Which was the next day.)

My eyes welled up. I couldn't believe my little 4 year old boy had tried to win me something in the raffle. The box containing the broach sits proudly on my bureau, and he and I look at it often. He keeps asking when I'm going to wear it, so I think I will have to soon. I'll be proud to wear the pin my little boy won for me.

Two Weeks in

It was in the second week of my less-cell-phone resolution, that I found a pattern that works. Finding that pattern, a schedule, something that works, is key to any goal. It was my key to losing weight three years ago, and now it's my key to living life a little more off the grid.

Instead of checking my phone on the hour or worse, I'm down to a few times a day. I send some good morning texts before my kids get up, and then all devices away while I'm getting them ready for school. Once Rosie's on the bus, and Buddy's at preschool, I take a minute to respond to texts, and then I essentially put my phone away until lunch time, approximately 1:30pm.

No Facebook, no emails, no texts.

Have I mentioned that my anxiety has decreased significantly? It really has.

I'm engaging more with the people around me, and when I'm alone, I just let my mind wander without feeling the pressure of responding to emails and Facebook comments and messages immediately. When I know I might be in a situation where I'll have to do some waiting (i.e. doctor's office), I've gotten back in the habit of bringing a book with me. Unlike when I aimlessly perused my cell, reading a chapter never, ever feels like a waste of time.

After my 15 minutes at lunch time, my cell goes back in its place, in a corner of the kitchen, where I can honestly report that it's become part of the scenery lately, instead of a lifeline.

If I have plans or a meeting that night, I will probably pick my cell back up around 5pm just to check that nothing has been cancelled or changed. Otherwise? Yesterday my cell just sat there for approximately 6 hours.

It's been such a big change for me, and I am happy that I've been able to stick with it. I also bought a watch this week for the first time in over 10 years, and that has been a huge help. They do still serve a purpose! You can check the time and not be bombarded with a million, mostly-useless notifications.

They say it takes approximately three weeks to form a new habit. I'm on my way there! If you don't like an aspect of your life, change it. So much more is in our control than we think.

One Week In

It's been one week since I began my resolution to stop looking at my cell phone so much, and I've made a few realizations:

1. First and foremost, I am calmer. It turns out that constantly grabbing my cell phone wasn't relaxing me. The relentless political posts on Facebook and keeping up with emails as they came in really wasn't doing much for my minute-to-minute well-being. What does make me feel good is taking in the world around me, whether it's hamming it up with Buddy in the car while we wait for something, or in my sun-dappled kitchen as I sit for a minute in the rare quiet moment of everyone playing outside while I cook supper.

2. All those times I thought I was being proactive and effective with my time by grabbing my phone "when I had a minute" to "catch up on things"... nope. It really was accomplishing next to nothing. I never was getting ahead like I thought I was. Now, when I check my phone after a few hours, see that I have 5 emails, and read them, I laugh. Not once in the past week have any of  my emails been urgent, and not once have I suffered from not being on top of them in the way that I was when I was checking my phone constantly. There wasn't anything that couldn't wait until later that evening.

3. As much as I am enjoying the newfound freedom of not being as addicted to my phone, I also quickly realized that I, of course, use my cell as a camera and to check the time! While I have no interest in buying and / or carrying around a separate camera, I could do myself a favor and buy a watch for the first time in years. I know what would cut down my cell time even more.

4. Every day it's gotten a little easier. I really had to watch myself, and still do at times, because it was such an ingrained habit. It does feel like what I imagine an addict may go through... what do I do with my hands instead? I know how pathetic that may sound, but a habit is a habit, and I fully admit that, like reaching for a cigarette, my hands were trained to reach for my cell in a quiet moment, heck, even in a busy moment, when I just wanted to retreat. It's been a lot of retraining on my part. I have to busy myself with other things, or just be. Just sit in the kitchen for a moment.

I'm one week in and the only plans I have are to continue down this path. I am calmer, more focused, more productive and happier with myself. While my last post was commenting on cell usage in general, this particular resolution is about me. I don't expect the people around me to change. I'm doing this because I was genuinely annoyed at myself for an addiction that only hampered my life.

And so begins week two!

Leave the phone

I'm officially annoyed at smartphones and the zombies behind the screens.

Someone waiting in line behind you? I bet they've whipped out their phone to aimlessly scroll Facebook. Someone pulling up to the gas pump but just sitting there? They've pulled out their phone to send a text before getting out (which is better than doing so while driving, of course). Someone walking into the store? Their phone is out, too, and I'm surprised more people don't get killed while looking down at their screens.

Can we stop already?!

I am just as guilty at some of the above scenarios, and I've become annoyed at myself. I want to stop this dumb habit. Can I not handle a few tedious seconds without having to distract myself? How do I expect my kids to believe me about the joys of a life lived outside the confines of a screen if they see me reach for my own phone constantly, like it's a pacifier of sorts?

There is no email that can't wait until later in the evening, after the kids are in bed. Now that everyone has smartphones, this urgency is self-created. We expect instantaneous replies. When did this change happen? It's unrealistic and it's unfair. We have lives to live, and it's hard to do much living when we're staring at our phones all day.

I'm trying, again, to put my phone away more and enjoy what's in front of me. It doesn't mean that this change will happen overnight, but I am hoping that I will "forget" my phone more often and realize I need it a lot less than society tells me I do.

Healthy Recipes

One of my goals of 2016 was to find a new, healthy recipe to try each week. Like any good resolution, it lasted about a month and a half before I became content with just our usual rotation. However, I did find some delicious, good-for-you recipes, and I very much plan on restarting my goal soon. Here are my favorite recipes so far:


1. Ground Turkey Sweet Potato Skillet. This was my first new recipe of the year and it was a hit. I used ground hamburg instead of turkey. It was so satisfying and tasty. Highly recommend! You can find the recipe here.

2. Smashed Chickpea & Avocado Salad. It's hands down my favorite healthy recipe I've discovered so far. It's my new go-to lunch! Very fresh-tasting, filling and yummy. I actually only stick to the main ingredients- I smash the chickpeas and mix in avocado. I spread it on high fiber bread with some lettuce and tomato and call it a day. Couldn't get any simpler. It shocked me how much I loved this, and actually crave it now. You can find the recipe here.

3. Roasted Chickpea Fajitas. Oh me, oh my. These, too, were amazing, and I will now make these over chicken fajitas any day of the week! One of the things that has surprised me on this quest is how much I don't miss meat in this recipe or in the salad above. Here is the delicious fajita recipe.

I did try more new recipes than just these, so I will have to share those another day. These were definitely my top three and are now in our regular meal rotation. What should I try next? Do you have a healthy recipe to share?

The Time is Now

Everyone has their thing they do to unwind at the end of a long day. Some people binge on Netflix. Some people catch up on their DVR. Others spend a lot of time online.

I'm part of that latter group. I could spend hours upon hours browsing and searching and finding.

I'm trying to do less of that. Here's why.

I realized that when I spent hours online after the kids were in bed, I was becoming passive in my own life. On Pinterest, I would find "Top 10 Books of 2015" and then crawl into bed too late to read. Also on Pinterest, I would find some great craft ideas or yoga moves, and pin them for another day.

When, exactly, was that day going to come?

The truth is, my time during the day is pretty darn busy. I'm getting one or both kids ready for school, balancing four part-time jobs, various committees, and still trying to keep the house in shape and everyone fed.

I won't be pulling out yoga moves or my glue gun mid-morning. If it's going to happen, it's going to be in the evening or during the weekend. In 2016, I'm trying to be more conscious of my time. I love to read, so I'm doing my best to get into bed early enough to do so, and still get enough sleep. I want to stay flexible, so I'm doing my best to do some stretching and yoga before I turn in to read my book. I love snail mail, so I've been writing more and sending more to people I care about. My plants have needed re-potting for approximately 5 years, and I finally bought some pots and did most of them. I like to watch movies, so I try to watch one with Steve once a week.

Of course I still spend some time online. I like going on Facebook and catching up with what my friends and family are doing, and I like shopping online at Target and Amazon. But I'm trying to not make that the largest portion of my free time.

Bottom line: being online so much had stopped me from doing. I realize, in hindsight, that 2015 was a very reactive year for me: people invited me to things, and I kind of just sat back and let things happen and be planned out for me. I'm changing that this year. I'm now ready to be proactive again. I don't want to be a passive observer in my own life. I want to be a doer. The time is now to do the things I want to do, because tomorrow isn't a guarantee.

When Life Throws You Pink Eye

I woke at 1:30am to Steve saying: "K, your daughter has pink eye."

Why do these illnesses always descend upon us in the dead of night?

He wiped her eye, she went back to sleep, and I set my alarm an hour later, knowing I wouldn't have to get her ready for the bus that morning.

Just two and a half years ago, before Kindergarten, before preschool, when one of the kids was sick, there was no one to call but the doctor, depending on the illness. Now? Texted the van driver (yay for modern technology!), called the school and emailed the swim instructor. I think it's safe to say things have gotten a little busier around here.

The one single good thing about pink eye? It rarely comes with any other ailments. Rosie was in a great mood, Buddy was in a great mood, and therefore, I was. I think the "Happy Mom,  Happy Family" works both ways.

I found myself again being thankful for the flexibility of being able to take care of my sick kid easily, without taking time off from work. I didn't have to "call out" of any of my part-time gigs. It was a mom and both kids day, something that has rarely happened since Kindergarten began!

We went to the doctor, where, sure enough, she was diagnosed with pink eye in both eyes. They sent the prescription to our local pharmacy, and I knew we had some time to kill. I may or may not have bribed them with donuts in exchange for good behavior at the doctor's, so on we went to the closest Dunkin Donuts drive-thru.

On our way, I spotted the car wash. Ginger, our new Ford Escape, desperately needed a wash, so I pulled in. The kids loved it. Talk about cheap entertainment. We giggled together and soon were pulling out of the car wash with our vehicle gleaming as much as it did the day we brought her home.

Soon after that, they had their donuts in hand, and I had my hazelnut coffee, and we were on our way to the pharmacy. The sun was shining through the moon roof (which is still a thrill, and we haven't even been able to open yet!) I took the long way back to Williamsburg, over meandering back roads, enjoying the radio. What was the rush? There was no one to pick up from preschool. There was no bus to get home for. No job to run to.

The freedom was rejuvenating. Everyone was still in good moods, and I found myself enjoying a day that reminded me of my first few years of being a stay at home mom.

When life throws you pink eye, make the best of it!