Spring Renewal

I was trying to figure out why I felt so energized this Spring compared to other years.

I mean, I really went after the side yard yesterday with the rake while the kids napped (monitors are a wonderful invention). I found it gratifying- the raking out of the dead leaves, freeing the bushes of their winter holdings and opening them up to new growth.

When on earth did I find yard work to be fun? Meaningful?

I thought back to when we moved in- April 2010. I was 5 months pregnant and working full-time. Wasn't feeling yard beautification, was just trying to make my childhood home into my new home.

April 2011: Rosie was about 7 months old. Not a great napper. In retrospect, I was still trying to survive. Definitely didn't care about raking. And, as it turns out, I was pregnant again and didn't know it yet!

April 2012: Rosie was 1.5 years old and Buddy was 3 months old. Year two of survival mode, although was feeling surprisingly better than the year before (maybe because I wasn't pregnant?).

April 2013: Rosie is 2.5 and Buddy is 1. Reliable nap times that I can usually count on to get things done. Not pregnant, in fact, 55 lbs lighter than I was last year at this time.

It was starting to make sense. I eat better therefore I feel better. I'm not pregnant and don't have a newborn on me at all times for the first time in four years. It's no wonder that I now feel like I can tackle more things- yard work, blogging, wine making. Wine making has been mostly Steve's venture for the last four years, but this year I finally feel like I can help more and not just enjoy the result.

This Spring I really feel like I'm coming into my own. My kids are a huge part of my life. But they're not me. I am a separate person and I need, not just want, to do things that are just for me. I don't think I've ever felt as good as I do right now.