Just this morning, I finished the 30 Day Squat Challenge!
250 squats. On day one, I almost died after doing 50. Much to my surprise, it seemed to get easier as I went along. I really liked the accountability that came from printing out the challenge, sticking it on the fridge and highlighting each day I completed. It kept me in line and wanting to do it more than any other exercise regimen I had ever tried.
The results? I went down one size in pants and shorts! I lost approximately 3 lbs during it, which is probably a combination of doing this challenge and my continued healthy lifestyle change.
It was the most consecutive days I've ever exercised in my entire life (there were a few rest days, though, which made it bearable). It's kind of made me not able to imagine not having a challenge each day to take on... which is why I'm going to start the 30 Day Crunch Challenge... tomorrow!
Want to join in?
http://media-cache-ec3.pinimg.com/originals/10/0d/ae/100dae06170c17522efb4a55aeebc65c.jpg
Friday, May 31, 2013
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
The Truth is...
We ended up not going camping this past weekend down on the Cape.
What was going to be a three night trip, turned into a two nighter, and then turned into... nothing.
I am a little embarrassed to say that this change in heart came way too late- I had already fully packed, Steve had already gotten the truck from his parents, and we had already gotten camping equipment from numerous friends and relatives.
Steve was about to load the truck, in the cold rain, when he asked me:
"We really want to do this, right?" That man senses my hesitation like no one else can.
For the life of me, I could not answer "Yes". Every inch of my intuition screamed: "Don't do it! It doesn't make sense!"
What didn't make sense was to take our entire family on a 3 hour trip one way (it would have been our longest), to go tent camping for the first time, with constant rain in the forecast, and temperatures at night dipping into the low 40's. If it was just Steve and I? Sure! We would play games with everyone else, drink, eat and be merry. But with two kids aged 2 1/2 and under? It just didn't make sense.
What I learned from this experience is that there is a difference between stepping outside of your comfort zone, and doing something that makes little sense with your gut telling you definitely not to do it. The couples and families that did go? My hat is off to them. I think they were brave and I bet they had a good time. I was very emotional in making this decision because I didn't want to let everyone else down. What I learned is, not wanting to let other people down is not a good enough reason to go through with something that your intuition tells you not to do.
Instead, we made s'mores in the microwave and rented a movie. We ended up having a spontaneous day off from the kids when Nana offered to take them. I got time to plant flowers in the cemeteries, instead of trying to squeeze it in during the week. We went to Look Park, rode the train and went on the playground. In short, it was a weekend that was so good, I never second guessed our decision not to go camping.
Next year we are more than willing to give it another go!
What was going to be a three night trip, turned into a two nighter, and then turned into... nothing.
I am a little embarrassed to say that this change in heart came way too late- I had already fully packed, Steve had already gotten the truck from his parents, and we had already gotten camping equipment from numerous friends and relatives.
Steve was about to load the truck, in the cold rain, when he asked me:
"We really want to do this, right?" That man senses my hesitation like no one else can.
For the life of me, I could not answer "Yes". Every inch of my intuition screamed: "Don't do it! It doesn't make sense!"
What didn't make sense was to take our entire family on a 3 hour trip one way (it would have been our longest), to go tent camping for the first time, with constant rain in the forecast, and temperatures at night dipping into the low 40's. If it was just Steve and I? Sure! We would play games with everyone else, drink, eat and be merry. But with two kids aged 2 1/2 and under? It just didn't make sense.
What I learned from this experience is that there is a difference between stepping outside of your comfort zone, and doing something that makes little sense with your gut telling you definitely not to do it. The couples and families that did go? My hat is off to them. I think they were brave and I bet they had a good time. I was very emotional in making this decision because I didn't want to let everyone else down. What I learned is, not wanting to let other people down is not a good enough reason to go through with something that your intuition tells you not to do.
Instead, we made s'mores in the microwave and rented a movie. We ended up having a spontaneous day off from the kids when Nana offered to take them. I got time to plant flowers in the cemeteries, instead of trying to squeeze it in during the week. We went to Look Park, rode the train and went on the playground. In short, it was a weekend that was so good, I never second guessed our decision not to go camping.
Next year we are more than willing to give it another go!
Monday, May 27, 2013
The Planting of the Flowers
Many families do fun and exciting things on Memorial Day weekend.
When I was growing up, we planted flowers at relatives' graves.
I really thought this was the strangest thing. I didn't know anyone else who did it, and I felt like a freak anytime someone asked me: "So, what did you do?" Truth is, we did also go on a picnic that weekend, but it always felt like the main activity was the planting of the flowers.
We drove as far as Bennington, VT and as close by as the cemetery in our hometown of Goshen. We stopped at four cemeteries total, and planted flowers at numerous graves. As I got older, I weaved between being embarrassed that was how we spent our weekend, to being a little bit curious.
Cemeteries are very interesting. They hold a lot of history and information. It may have been because of our visits to the cemeteries, and looking at the names and dates of the people on the headstones, that I started to become interested in family history.
By the time I was a teenager, I knew we were planting flowers to commemorate our loved ones, literally memorializing them on Memorial Day weekend. I began to see it as something I would do with my own family someday.
This year is the eighth year that I have planted flowers at the graves of our loved ones. This year I did it by myself for the first time because Nana had taken the kids for the day and Steve had to get a few other things done. It was therapeutic. I sat by my grandmother's grave, planting beautiful flowers at her headstone. I included a lot of purple ones as that was her favorite color. I talked to her about the kids, and how much she'd get a kick out of them. Then I told her I realized she already was smiling down at them because I know she looks over us.
I save my Mom's grave for last. She gets all the flowers that are left, and every year it seems like I magically have more than enough, because I love to fill the entire area in front of her stone with as many flowers as I can fit. Every year that I visit her grave, my heart bursts at the seams even more, because I am one more year into Motherhood and I can fully feel and understand the undying love, sacrifices and patience that much more.
I have every intention of involving the kids in this yearly tradition and explaining to them why we do it. I will tell them stories about their grandma and their great grandmothers, and show them it is important to take a few hours to stop and remember our loved ones who have gone before us, even if it seems the rest of the world is off doing fun things while we do it.
We'll do those fun things, too, but this is important.
When I was growing up, we planted flowers at relatives' graves.
I really thought this was the strangest thing. I didn't know anyone else who did it, and I felt like a freak anytime someone asked me: "So, what did you do?" Truth is, we did also go on a picnic that weekend, but it always felt like the main activity was the planting of the flowers.
We drove as far as Bennington, VT and as close by as the cemetery in our hometown of Goshen. We stopped at four cemeteries total, and planted flowers at numerous graves. As I got older, I weaved between being embarrassed that was how we spent our weekend, to being a little bit curious.
Cemeteries are very interesting. They hold a lot of history and information. It may have been because of our visits to the cemeteries, and looking at the names and dates of the people on the headstones, that I started to become interested in family history.
By the time I was a teenager, I knew we were planting flowers to commemorate our loved ones, literally memorializing them on Memorial Day weekend. I began to see it as something I would do with my own family someday.
This year is the eighth year that I have planted flowers at the graves of our loved ones. This year I did it by myself for the first time because Nana had taken the kids for the day and Steve had to get a few other things done. It was therapeutic. I sat by my grandmother's grave, planting beautiful flowers at her headstone. I included a lot of purple ones as that was her favorite color. I talked to her about the kids, and how much she'd get a kick out of them. Then I told her I realized she already was smiling down at them because I know she looks over us.
I save my Mom's grave for last. She gets all the flowers that are left, and every year it seems like I magically have more than enough, because I love to fill the entire area in front of her stone with as many flowers as I can fit. Every year that I visit her grave, my heart bursts at the seams even more, because I am one more year into Motherhood and I can fully feel and understand the undying love, sacrifices and patience that much more.
I have every intention of involving the kids in this yearly tradition and explaining to them why we do it. I will tell them stories about their grandma and their great grandmothers, and show them it is important to take a few hours to stop and remember our loved ones who have gone before us, even if it seems the rest of the world is off doing fun things while we do it.
We'll do those fun things, too, but this is important.
Friday, May 24, 2013
We Might be Crazy
Memorial Day weekend is here- the unofficial start of summer!
I always get excited thinking about the beginning of one of my favorite seasons- the BBQs, the trips to the beach, the wearing of flip flops and swimsuits constantly, the ice cream, the lobsters, cold summer ale, the seemingly endless nights of fun and laughter.
For this year's unofficial start of summer, we're doing two things we generally never do:
1. Getting on the Mass Pike and heading toward the Cape. This is what crazy people do on a holiday weekend. Apparently we are the crazies now.
2. Going on a 2 night camping trip... tent camping, that is. Not the cozy VT cabins. They have spoiled me. I have only gone tent camping a handful of times, and definitely never as a family of four.
After looking at both 1 and 2, I conclude that we are, indeed, crazy. But, if I stopped myself from doing things because I thought it might get a little crazy with the kiddos, I would never leave my house. Thus, I will step outside of my comfort zone again and give this a go.
Our good friends, who have two kids about the same ages as Rosie & Buddy, invited us and a few other couples and families. Each couple/family will be in charge of a meal to make things a little easier. I hear there will be s'mores, and that there is a beach only two miles away. Excellent. As long as we don't forget the summer ale I mentioned before, I'll be ready to take on anything.
Now that I'm 30, I'm going to join the old timers in saying: "It'll be Labor Day before you know it!" You know it's true, though. So let's make the most of this first weekend, and every weekend after this, no matter how crazy they might be.
I always get excited thinking about the beginning of one of my favorite seasons- the BBQs, the trips to the beach, the wearing of flip flops and swimsuits constantly, the ice cream, the lobsters, cold summer ale, the seemingly endless nights of fun and laughter.
For this year's unofficial start of summer, we're doing two things we generally never do:
1. Getting on the Mass Pike and heading toward the Cape. This is what crazy people do on a holiday weekend. Apparently we are the crazies now.
2. Going on a 2 night camping trip... tent camping, that is. Not the cozy VT cabins. They have spoiled me. I have only gone tent camping a handful of times, and definitely never as a family of four.
After looking at both 1 and 2, I conclude that we are, indeed, crazy. But, if I stopped myself from doing things because I thought it might get a little crazy with the kiddos, I would never leave my house. Thus, I will step outside of my comfort zone again and give this a go.
Our good friends, who have two kids about the same ages as Rosie & Buddy, invited us and a few other couples and families. Each couple/family will be in charge of a meal to make things a little easier. I hear there will be s'mores, and that there is a beach only two miles away. Excellent. As long as we don't forget the summer ale I mentioned before, I'll be ready to take on anything.
Now that I'm 30, I'm going to join the old timers in saying: "It'll be Labor Day before you know it!" You know it's true, though. So let's make the most of this first weekend, and every weekend after this, no matter how crazy they might be.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
This Remains Constant
Chapstick and hair ties used to scatter the top of my nightstand five, ten, even fifteen years ago but now it often has board books, Little People and Rosie's bows piled high. One thing that hasn't changed in all of these years? A book tucked under the first drawer.
If I have a good book that I'm in the middle of, I have something to look forward to every day. I know that for a half hour to an hour before I go to bed, I can disappear into a world entirely different from my own. I always have a book- literally the only times I haven't were right after my babies were born and I was in survival mode. As soon as I felt rested enough to pick up a book again at the end of my day, I knew that we as a family had gotten to a better, easier place in the newborn phase.
Growing up, I read anything I could get my hands on, including old copies of the Reader's Digest that my grandmother had lying around. I'm certain I read the night before high school graduation, the night before my first day at my first job, the night before I had my first ultrasound, the night before I gave birth. What ties all of these together is that I submerged myself into a book and any worries I had about the upcoming day vanished.
I try to convey my love of reading to my kids by reading to them often and having them see me read. I figure if they read voraciously, the world is forever theirs and they will always be learning.
If I have a good book that I'm in the middle of, I have something to look forward to every day. I know that for a half hour to an hour before I go to bed, I can disappear into a world entirely different from my own. I always have a book- literally the only times I haven't were right after my babies were born and I was in survival mode. As soon as I felt rested enough to pick up a book again at the end of my day, I knew that we as a family had gotten to a better, easier place in the newborn phase.
Growing up, I read anything I could get my hands on, including old copies of the Reader's Digest that my grandmother had lying around. I'm certain I read the night before high school graduation, the night before my first day at my first job, the night before I had my first ultrasound, the night before I gave birth. What ties all of these together is that I submerged myself into a book and any worries I had about the upcoming day vanished.
I try to convey my love of reading to my kids by reading to them often and having them see me read. I figure if they read voraciously, the world is forever theirs and they will always be learning.
Friday, May 17, 2013
Clothesline Musings
I'll be spending a lot of time alongside my clothesline from now until October.
We don't have a dryer. My two methods for drying all clothes, towels, sheets and blankets for a family of four is on wooden dryer racks placed near the wood stove or hanging them out to dry in the sun.
I've been known to grumble about this. It's all good, actually, until Scout decides to randomly pee on our bed. Let me tell you how long it takes to wash and dry a comforter, blanket, sheets and mattress cover when you use the aforementioned methods. It takes a while. It's also all good until one of the kids get sick and I'm trying to wash everything in sight.
I digress.
The clothesline does have its benefits. I throw a load of laundry in the washer as soon as I get up, and hang it up, often barefoot, in the morning dew before the kids gets up. I love watching the sheets billow in the wind, making sails. I especially enjoy making the bed with these freshly line-dried sheets, slipping between the coolness of them and inhaling the sweet smell of the outdoors as I drift off to sleep.
Anything and everything flows through my mind as I hang the day's wash: What's on the agenda for school committee tonight? Where are the kids and I going to go explore today? Did I defrost chicken for dinner?
I'd like to think that if I did have a dryer, I'd still hang the laundry out as much as possible. I would miss the time to think, the time that can only come from a chore you could do with your eyes closed. Even though laundry is an endless, often thankless task, there is the satisfaction of seeing a neat row of clothes on the line, waving its beautiful colors.
We don't have a dryer. My two methods for drying all clothes, towels, sheets and blankets for a family of four is on wooden dryer racks placed near the wood stove or hanging them out to dry in the sun.
I've been known to grumble about this. It's all good, actually, until Scout decides to randomly pee on our bed. Let me tell you how long it takes to wash and dry a comforter, blanket, sheets and mattress cover when you use the aforementioned methods. It takes a while. It's also all good until one of the kids get sick and I'm trying to wash everything in sight.
I digress.
The clothesline does have its benefits. I throw a load of laundry in the washer as soon as I get up, and hang it up, often barefoot, in the morning dew before the kids gets up. I love watching the sheets billow in the wind, making sails. I especially enjoy making the bed with these freshly line-dried sheets, slipping between the coolness of them and inhaling the sweet smell of the outdoors as I drift off to sleep.
Anything and everything flows through my mind as I hang the day's wash: What's on the agenda for school committee tonight? Where are the kids and I going to go explore today? Did I defrost chicken for dinner?
I'd like to think that if I did have a dryer, I'd still hang the laundry out as much as possible. I would miss the time to think, the time that can only come from a chore you could do with your eyes closed. Even though laundry is an endless, often thankless task, there is the satisfaction of seeing a neat row of clothes on the line, waving its beautiful colors.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
I Can't Believe I'm Doing This
I just completed Day 15 of a 30 Day Squat Challenge.
Oh, boy. This is going to kick my butt. Literally.
Today was 140 squats. On Day 30 I'll be doing 250 (ha ha!). I've said that I don't particularly like traditional exercise, but I was challenged to do this by one of my best friends, and I couldn't resist.
It's not so bad. I finish breakfast, and then I start doing them while catching a few minutes of the Today Show. Going upstairs to get the kids and back down is no easy feat after these squats, but I do like that when I exercise first thing in the morning, I feel the effects for the rest of the day. It feels good.
It never hurts to step outside the box. That's what I told myself when I ran for school committee two years ago, and when I inquired about a small part-time job this week. How will I know how far I can go unless I keep stretching myself to do things that I normally wouldn't?
As the Eleanor Roosevelt magnet on my fridge reminds me: "Do one thing every day that scares you".
I will try my best, Eleanor.
If you're interested in joining the 30 Day Squat Challenge, here are one of the many links to it:
http://bellesoffitness.com/2013/04/23/30-day-squat-challenge/
Oh, boy. This is going to kick my butt. Literally.
Today was 140 squats. On Day 30 I'll be doing 250 (ha ha!). I've said that I don't particularly like traditional exercise, but I was challenged to do this by one of my best friends, and I couldn't resist.
It's not so bad. I finish breakfast, and then I start doing them while catching a few minutes of the Today Show. Going upstairs to get the kids and back down is no easy feat after these squats, but I do like that when I exercise first thing in the morning, I feel the effects for the rest of the day. It feels good.
It never hurts to step outside the box. That's what I told myself when I ran for school committee two years ago, and when I inquired about a small part-time job this week. How will I know how far I can go unless I keep stretching myself to do things that I normally wouldn't?
As the Eleanor Roosevelt magnet on my fridge reminds me: "Do one thing every day that scares you".
I will try my best, Eleanor.
If you're interested in joining the 30 Day Squat Challenge, here are one of the many links to it:
http://bellesoffitness.com/2013/04/23/30-day-squat-challenge/
Monday, May 13, 2013
It's a Small World
Rosie's imagination has took off in the last few months, so I thought she would get a kick out of six tiny fairies I bought that would fly in to visit her a few days a week. I was right. The first time she saw them, she took them immediately over to the nearest surface and starting acting out scenarios with them. No props were needed. The fairies were having conversations about farms and donuts.
One day last week, I was pushing Buddy on the swing and I noticed a little area by the tree that had some bright green clumps of grass starting to grow, little wildflowers here and there, and a small dirt area. A vision came... it was a fairy village!
I told Rosie my idea and to say she was excited is putting it mildly. We went inside to grab the fairies (and a few trucks for Buddy), and came back outside to set up our village. We decided the clumps of grass were the fairies' houses, and we could make them little pebble walkways. We both loved it, and for once, I felt I could really get into what she was playing.
I am not always good at playing, per se, and it's something a couple of Mom friends and I have discussed. I found it particularly difficult when the kids were newborns. But, this- the fairy village? This was something I could get into! I have loved miniatures of all kinds since I was a kid- dollhouses, trains, etc. This was completely up my alley, and I loved that Rosie was on board, too. I'm looking forward to Buddy joining us when he is ready/ wants to.
It was a particularly good day to be a stay at home mom.
One day last week, I was pushing Buddy on the swing and I noticed a little area by the tree that had some bright green clumps of grass starting to grow, little wildflowers here and there, and a small dirt area. A vision came... it was a fairy village!
I told Rosie my idea and to say she was excited is putting it mildly. We went inside to grab the fairies (and a few trucks for Buddy), and came back outside to set up our village. We decided the clumps of grass were the fairies' houses, and we could make them little pebble walkways. We both loved it, and for once, I felt I could really get into what she was playing.
I am not always good at playing, per se, and it's something a couple of Mom friends and I have discussed. I found it particularly difficult when the kids were newborns. But, this- the fairy village? This was something I could get into! I have loved miniatures of all kinds since I was a kid- dollhouses, trains, etc. This was completely up my alley, and I loved that Rosie was on board, too. I'm looking forward to Buddy joining us when he is ready/ wants to.
It was a particularly good day to be a stay at home mom.
Friday, May 10, 2013
A Change
Something is going on.
More people than I can ever remember are focusing on their health: running 5ks, going to the gym, watching what they eat, losing excess weight.
People are getting active. They're saying goodbye to a lifestyle that wasn't sustainable, and saying hello to a new lifestyle focused on feeling better, physically and emotionally.
I realize that my thinking could be skewed because: A. I have made a lifestyle change and am now probably noticing more that other people are and B. A lot of my friends are around the age of 30. Something about that number just makes you feel it's time for a change.
Regardless, I insist there is something in the air. It feels like an awakening.
I'm hearing more people talk about what's in their food and where it's coming from. I'm hearing a lot about GMOs and the side effects of aspartame. I'm seeing a lot of people stopping the fad diets that have been so popular and I see them thinking about losing weight in a healthier, more sustainable way.
People are getting off their couches and discovering they are capable of things they never thought possible, like running a marathon. I have quite a few friends who fit that bill, and they motivate me to stretch my boundaries and try new things.
A quote I read recently sums it up well: "Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try". How true is that?
It is inspiring to see so many people trying.
More people than I can ever remember are focusing on their health: running 5ks, going to the gym, watching what they eat, losing excess weight.
People are getting active. They're saying goodbye to a lifestyle that wasn't sustainable, and saying hello to a new lifestyle focused on feeling better, physically and emotionally.
I realize that my thinking could be skewed because: A. I have made a lifestyle change and am now probably noticing more that other people are and B. A lot of my friends are around the age of 30. Something about that number just makes you feel it's time for a change.
Regardless, I insist there is something in the air. It feels like an awakening.
I'm hearing more people talk about what's in their food and where it's coming from. I'm hearing a lot about GMOs and the side effects of aspartame. I'm seeing a lot of people stopping the fad diets that have been so popular and I see them thinking about losing weight in a healthier, more sustainable way.
People are getting off their couches and discovering they are capable of things they never thought possible, like running a marathon. I have quite a few friends who fit that bill, and they motivate me to stretch my boundaries and try new things.
A quote I read recently sums it up well: "Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try". How true is that?
It is inspiring to see so many people trying.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Simple Pleasures
I was going to title this "Guilty Pleasures", until I realized I didn't feel guilty about them.
In Vermont this past weekend, I was able to do something I truly enjoy. I sat in a comfortable chair with my feet up on another, soaked up some rays (responsibly, with SPF 50), ate a small bag of M&M's (compared to the large bag I used to buy), read a tabloid and newspaper front to back, read chapters of my current book: "Major Pettigrew's Last Stand" by Helen Simonson, and dozed.
It was delightful.
Oh yes, and my Cool Gear chiller full of water and the baby monitor were next to me. Have I mentioned how much I love nap time and hydration? Not that the two have anything to do with each other.
As I sat there enjoying every minute, all I could hear was nature- a slight breeze, an occasional bird song, and stray, dry leaves rustling on the ground. We enjoy country living in Goshen, but we also live on busy Route 9. You can almost always hear a car, motorcycle or truck coming down the road. Needless to say, I enjoy when we go to Vermont, and get "more rural", away from the sounds of roads and humanity.
So, I sat there, and read, and ate chocolate, and felt the warm sun on my skin. It was exactly something I would have done 11 years ago on my first trip to Vermont.
When I became a Mom, it became harder to find time to do things like this. What I learned is that I have to make the time, otherwise it'll get swept up in all the have-to's: dish washing, laundry, vacuuming, looking up educational kids activities on Pinterest. If I don't schedule time to relax, or go out with a friend, or have a weekend with my husband, it just won't happen.
Prioritize yourself. You're worth it.
In Vermont this past weekend, I was able to do something I truly enjoy. I sat in a comfortable chair with my feet up on another, soaked up some rays (responsibly, with SPF 50), ate a small bag of M&M's (compared to the large bag I used to buy), read a tabloid and newspaper front to back, read chapters of my current book: "Major Pettigrew's Last Stand" by Helen Simonson, and dozed.
It was delightful.
Oh yes, and my Cool Gear chiller full of water and the baby monitor were next to me. Have I mentioned how much I love nap time and hydration? Not that the two have anything to do with each other.
As I sat there enjoying every minute, all I could hear was nature- a slight breeze, an occasional bird song, and stray, dry leaves rustling on the ground. We enjoy country living in Goshen, but we also live on busy Route 9. You can almost always hear a car, motorcycle or truck coming down the road. Needless to say, I enjoy when we go to Vermont, and get "more rural", away from the sounds of roads and humanity.
So, I sat there, and read, and ate chocolate, and felt the warm sun on my skin. It was exactly something I would have done 11 years ago on my first trip to Vermont.
When I became a Mom, it became harder to find time to do things like this. What I learned is that I have to make the time, otherwise it'll get swept up in all the have-to's: dish washing, laundry, vacuuming, looking up educational kids activities on Pinterest. If I don't schedule time to relax, or go out with a friend, or have a weekend with my husband, it just won't happen.
Prioritize yourself. You're worth it.
Monday, May 6, 2013
I Worry
I worry that I am beginning to forget what my Mom's voice sounded like.
I worry that I'm forgetting my Gram Carpenter's giggle and my Gram Eldred's embrace.
From 2004-2006, I lost these three very important women. It was a dark time. I felt like part of my identity had been taken with them. By the time I turned 23, all of them were gone.
For the first time in my life, I felt the urge to go to Church. I had too many losses and too many questions, and I didn't know where else to turn. We attended a Protestant church in Steve's hometown the Sunday after mom passed, and never looked back. I became a believer in God, and received the spirituality I was looking for.
I hope to be lucky enough to live a long, meaningful life. If so, I already am sensing a small sense of dread- how will I hold onto these memories of my mom and grandmothers throughout all of my years?
Last week, part of that answer came. I was at Look Park with the kids, and a butterfly, the first one we've seen this year, flew up to us, and flew around each of us, as if to say Hello. This is not the first time this has happened.
Since 2006, I have noticed that butterflies simply seem to come around me quite a bit when I'm outside. It usually isn't just one, they usually came in pairs or trios. It happened with such frequency, that I even remarked to Steve about it. One evening when we were sitting out, he noticed it before I did.
Could it just be that they like the same places I do and that's why they come around? Maybe. But I'd like to think they are little gifts from God. Every time I see them, I feel my mom and grandmothers' spirits and I remember things about them that I thought I had forgotten.
I believe they are with me at all times, looking out for me, Steve and the kids. When Rosie fell six feet off of the playground without any injury? I believe it was our Guardian Angels who lessened her fall.
I'm going to try to stop worrying about forgetting things and start concentrating on remembering things:
Like the solid weight of Buddy in my arms,
Like Rosie's singsong voice,
Like the feel of Steve's arms around me when we hug.
I have to live in the moment and be present.
I worry that I'm forgetting my Gram Carpenter's giggle and my Gram Eldred's embrace.
From 2004-2006, I lost these three very important women. It was a dark time. I felt like part of my identity had been taken with them. By the time I turned 23, all of them were gone.
For the first time in my life, I felt the urge to go to Church. I had too many losses and too many questions, and I didn't know where else to turn. We attended a Protestant church in Steve's hometown the Sunday after mom passed, and never looked back. I became a believer in God, and received the spirituality I was looking for.
I hope to be lucky enough to live a long, meaningful life. If so, I already am sensing a small sense of dread- how will I hold onto these memories of my mom and grandmothers throughout all of my years?
Last week, part of that answer came. I was at Look Park with the kids, and a butterfly, the first one we've seen this year, flew up to us, and flew around each of us, as if to say Hello. This is not the first time this has happened.
Since 2006, I have noticed that butterflies simply seem to come around me quite a bit when I'm outside. It usually isn't just one, they usually came in pairs or trios. It happened with such frequency, that I even remarked to Steve about it. One evening when we were sitting out, he noticed it before I did.
Could it just be that they like the same places I do and that's why they come around? Maybe. But I'd like to think they are little gifts from God. Every time I see them, I feel my mom and grandmothers' spirits and I remember things about them that I thought I had forgotten.
I believe they are with me at all times, looking out for me, Steve and the kids. When Rosie fell six feet off of the playground without any injury? I believe it was our Guardian Angels who lessened her fall.
I'm going to try to stop worrying about forgetting things and start concentrating on remembering things:
Like the solid weight of Buddy in my arms,
Like Rosie's singsong voice,
Like the feel of Steve's arms around me when we hug.
I have to live in the moment and be present.
Friday, May 3, 2013
Our Green Mountain Getaway
The first time Steve and I snuck up to his family's camps in Vermont, I was 19 and he was 20.
We didn't turn on the electricity, because someone would know we had been up there. We used the wood stove for heat, got buckets of water from the well and I used an outhouse for the first time. (Things like that don't bother a Goshen Girl).
We played Chinese Checkers by kerosene lamps and drank bottles of Arbor Mist wine. We ate cheese, crackers and chocolate and talked about life between naps and games.
It was at the cabin that Steve first told me he wanted to marry me. My 19 year old self swooned, my current 30 year old self still gets butterflies at the memory.
Two kids and 11 years later, we're heading up to Vermont this weekend for the first time this year. It is our little getaway that we look forward to all winter long. Once the kids go to bed, I know we'll have a campfire the first night there, no matter how cold it is, because it will be the first one of the season. We've decided Coronas will be our adult beverage of choice to enjoy by said campfire, and we're looking forward to picnicking with the kids at the local state park on Saturday. It's free and has a great playground.
How we spend our time in Vermont has changed since we had kids, but one thing remains the same. We still eat cheese, crackers and chocolate. I kid. We do that, but the main thing that hasn't changed is that it is a TV and Internet free zone, and it is a chance to unwind, unplug and reconnect.
It's our Green Mountain Getaway- nothing fancy, and not on a lake, but it means so much to us. Year by year we are building memories there with our family.
We didn't turn on the electricity, because someone would know we had been up there. We used the wood stove for heat, got buckets of water from the well and I used an outhouse for the first time. (Things like that don't bother a Goshen Girl).
We played Chinese Checkers by kerosene lamps and drank bottles of Arbor Mist wine. We ate cheese, crackers and chocolate and talked about life between naps and games.
It was at the cabin that Steve first told me he wanted to marry me. My 19 year old self swooned, my current 30 year old self still gets butterflies at the memory.
Two kids and 11 years later, we're heading up to Vermont this weekend for the first time this year. It is our little getaway that we look forward to all winter long. Once the kids go to bed, I know we'll have a campfire the first night there, no matter how cold it is, because it will be the first one of the season. We've decided Coronas will be our adult beverage of choice to enjoy by said campfire, and we're looking forward to picnicking with the kids at the local state park on Saturday. It's free and has a great playground.
How we spend our time in Vermont has changed since we had kids, but one thing remains the same. We still eat cheese, crackers and chocolate. I kid. We do that, but the main thing that hasn't changed is that it is a TV and Internet free zone, and it is a chance to unwind, unplug and reconnect.
It's our Green Mountain Getaway- nothing fancy, and not on a lake, but it means so much to us. Year by year we are building memories there with our family.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
My Son's World
In Buddy's world, he is the leader of the dogs and he laughs merrily as they follow the trail of crumbs he scatters from his snack cup. "Aggie" he says, and buries his face in Maggie, our golden retriever's fur.
Soup cans, unopened sampler candles and applesauce containers are all prime candidates for being made into towers. "Uh-oh", he says, as the leaning towers fall over.
It's a world where batteries, rocks and dog food are thought of as acceptable objects to be chewed on, and it's quite maddening when Mom tries to put an end to it.
Words can be few and far between, but random kisses are frequent and shows of affection happen often, especially to the ladies.
Giggles abound when Rosie plays peekaboo with him in the backseat of the car. No one makes him smile and laugh like his sister!
At 15 months old, Buddy's world is changing by the day. Every day he is becoming more of a toddler than a baby. Seeing the world through my kids' eyes reminds me that the best things in life are simple, and that it's the simple times that I will remember and treasure the most.
Soup cans, unopened sampler candles and applesauce containers are all prime candidates for being made into towers. "Uh-oh", he says, as the leaning towers fall over.
It's a world where batteries, rocks and dog food are thought of as acceptable objects to be chewed on, and it's quite maddening when Mom tries to put an end to it.
Words can be few and far between, but random kisses are frequent and shows of affection happen often, especially to the ladies.
Giggles abound when Rosie plays peekaboo with him in the backseat of the car. No one makes him smile and laugh like his sister!
At 15 months old, Buddy's world is changing by the day. Every day he is becoming more of a toddler than a baby. Seeing the world through my kids' eyes reminds me that the best things in life are simple, and that it's the simple times that I will remember and treasure the most.
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