Advice from an Old Married Lady

Okay. So I'm hardly "old" and Steve and I don't have everything about marriage figured out, but as we near our 7 year anniversary, I've been thinking about what I've learned about marriage and relationships in that time.

1. Do your thing, do things with friends and do things with each other. It can be easy to lose yourself in marriage and parenthood. Make the time to do things you enjoy. Make the time to go out to dinner with a friend. Time to do these things is not all of a sudden going to appear. You have to make the time for them. It can also be easy to lose your identity as a couple, even when you live under the same roof. It's way too easy to zone out in front of the TV, each of you with a lap top. Watch shows and movies together, without the distraction of phones and computers. Do a puzzle or play a game together. Whatever you do, keep doing it, because it builds a connection that nothing else can.

2. Have weekly rituals. Two of ours are Massage Monday and Wine Wednesday. Massage Monday, we lie out on the living room carpet with pillows and blankets and give each other back massages while watching one of our DVR'd shows. Wine Wednesday is pretty much a weekly date night at home. It's as simple as sharing a bottle of wine in the evening every Wednesday. When life seems hectic, I can always count on these rituals to look forward to. I swear it's made our weeks that much better (especially Mondays!) because we no longer only look forward to the weekend.

3. Fight it out. When we have a disagreement, we fight it out (verbally, of course) until it's dead. We have been known to stay up until 2am doing this, if need be (thankfully that has been very rare). I can count on one hand the number of times we've gone to bed angry. It's so much better to just get it all out, and get it over with. Stifling your anger only turns into resentment. It doesn't just magically disappear.

There are so many more things I've learned but they won't fit in this one post. I can only imagine how much more I'll learn in our next 7 years of marriage.