What I Want To Tell New Moms

My very, very good friend from college is in labor as I type this blog entry.

I'm just holding my breath a few hundred miles away, praying and wishing for a healthy baby and an easy delivery.

I'm just thinking of the things I want to tell her, and all new moms. The things I wish I had known:

 1.Sleep when the baby sleeps. When the baby sleeps, do whatever relaxes you most. While you will most likely be sleep deprived in those first few weeks, it doesn't mean that every time the baby is asleep, you'll want to be, too. For me, decluttering the house or hopping online was more relaxing than catching a few z's. When the baby's asleep, you finally have a few minutes all to yourself. Do something that makes you happy.

2. "Breast is best". It simply depends on the person. If you want to try breastfeeding, great. If you don't want to, that's great, too. There is nothing wrong with formula feeding. Breastfeeding is on the rise and very much encouraged, but it should not be at the expense of making mothers feel ashamed to use formula. That is not right. Breastfeeding can be a beautiful, natural experience, but it can also be painful and frustrating. I am glad I was able to nurse both my kids, for varying amounts of time (6 months with my first, 6 days with my second). Both of them also had formula. Formula is not the end of the world, like some would make you believe. It's a suitable nutrient for babies. Do what works for you, your body and your baby, and do not feel ashamed about your decision.

3. Life will never be the same. While the sentence I just crossed out has some truth to it, I find this sentiment more helpful: Life will not always feels as crazy as it does in the first weeks of having a baby, but it will always have an edge of craziness to it. I often describe the first month of Rosie's existence as the month I felt like a stranger in my own home. We were sleep deprived, she was colicky: it was tough going for a while. The sleepless nights ended just about the time I thought they never would. She got older, I became a more experienced mom, and things got better. A new normal formed. That being said, to this day, just as things start feeling comfortable, a new developmental stage emerges, thus the "edge of craziness" factor. What your kid adored yesterday, he may hate today. What he wasn't afraid of today, he might be tomorrow. Kids leave you no choice but to be flexible.

Good luck, my friend. I'm here for you. It's going to be tough for a little while, but I promise the very best days of your life are ahead- the days where your heart will be so full you think it will burst.

Love you.