Loss

I recently found out that someone I know lost her mother, and I felt my heart constrict .

I know that kind of loss too well. The memories of those feelings are so strong, it could have happened yesterday. It felt like someone reached into my chest and squeezed my heart as hard as they could. It felt like the ground opened up beneath my feet and swallowed me whole with the words "Mom's dead". It felt like I had entered an alternate universe, a world that was never, ever going to look the same.

It still doesn't.

When you lose someone close to you, there are two time periods- the one you spent with them and the one in which you have to continue on without them. The latter is an unbearable thought in the first minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, even years. The grief was so raw, I felt like I was walking around, emotionally naked. No defenses, no cover, from the tidal waves of sadness and anger.

I cried every single day, in my car, on the way home from work, for months after my mom passed, and often on the way into work, too. The grief wreaked havoc on my mind and on my body. Every little thing was a reminder of her- music, places, even the way one of the towns I passed through looked in the evening commute darkness, as I had driven it with her more times that I could possibly count.

Family and friends were patient as they waited for me to come out of the storm. It took a while. Somewhere in there we planned our wedding, and life went on. I was thankful for the people I was surrounded by- they offered love, patience, shoulders to cry on and ears to listen.

That is about all you can do for someone who has lost a loved one- be there for them, and be consistent. They need all the anchors they can get while they weather one of the worst storms of all- the loss of someone they loved, someone they never wanted to picture a day without.