The Biggest Sap

I am the biggest sap I know.

It takes barely anything to make me cry these days. A song on the radio, a sweet exchange in a book or a movie, you name it. I have a playlist on my iPod, called "Love" where I put all the songs that remind me of Steve and the kids. "Over the Rainbow" is on it, a song I sang to both kids when I was pregnant with each, and my voice still breaks when I sing it, because I can remember how I loved them before they were even born.

I thought maybe this crying-easily-thing was a mom thing. Then I thought about it more and realized it was a little more than that.

I cry easily because I've encountered the acute pain that comes with suddenly losing someone you love deeply. I experienced that pain three times in less than a two year span, when I lost three of the most important women in my life- my mom and both my grandmothers.

I cry easily because I know I am meant to be with Steve, and 11 years later, that knowledge and my love for him still overwhelms me at times. He is my rock.

I cry easily because not once, but twice, I gave birth and witnessed the biggest miracle that there is. Every day I love my children a little more, and my heart seems to grow bigger and bigger to accommodate.

I cry easily because God made all of this possible. The births, the love, the sad goodbyes. It's easy to look the other way, spirituality-wise, when you're just going through life without too many bumps in the road. I did that myself. It's not until you experience the highest highs and the lowest lows that you can let yourself fully feel, fully experience life, and sometimes cry- not just because you're sad, not just because you're happy, but because you now know that every day counts.