Letting God

I have not been the best mother lately. Or the best person, for that matter. My patience tank has been running close to empty for a few days now, and the worst part is, it doesn't really make sense.

I've had time away from the kids. Steve and I have been able to get out a few times in the past weeks. If anything, I should be rejuvenated, refreshed, ready to take on the world. But there's that sneaky word- should- and I'd probably do well to banish it from my vocabulary, because really, it does a number on me.

When will I learn that just because I "should" be feeling a certain way, does not mean I will?

At least I'm recognizing it, I guess? I see my thin, thin patience and I see myself apologizing to both Steve and the kids left and right. I know I'm cranky, I know I'm irritable. I'm trying to snap out of it.

Yesterday morning, the kids and I were in one car, following Steve in his car to his parents' house, where he was going to drop it off to work on after church. My cell phone rang.

"My parents aren't going to church and have offered to take the kids so we can go enjoy church together."

I'm telling you, those are the very best phone calls. An unexpected light in the darkness, on a day on which I was trying to muddle through my unpleasant emotions. I quickly said yes, dropped off our happy kids, and Steve and I were on our way to church, alone, for the first time in a very long time.

We got to sit next to each other for an entire church service without interruption. I got to worship with my husband, and fill my spiritual tank. As I sat there, I felt an unmistakable peace and calm wash over me. I had given my troubles over to God. He was taking care of me.

I left our church feeling so much lighter. There really is something to say about "letting go and letting God." I need to consciously remember to do this more often.