The Best Kind of Friend

The best kind of friend you can possibly have is the kind that takes you as you are, even when you're a little grumpy and not quite yourself.

Said friend will let you and your kids pile into her truck, and with one look at your weary face, know what your morning looked like even though she wasn't there. She will listen patiently as you talk about the tears that had already happened that day, and how you just feel "dull", for lack of a better term.

She gets it. She hates that feeling, too.

She has a lot to talk about and wonders if you mind because you're not feeling 100%. You tell her, "Please! Go ahead!" because that is exactly what you need today- you need: A. To be around another adult and B. To be around another adult who is excited about life. As she talks about this, that and everything, you find yourself joining in and feeling lighter by the minute.

The best kind of friend you can possibly have is the kind who can draw you out of your own negative thoughts and bring you into her light and positivity.

After a stop at Starbucks, you trek into the store with said friend and your four kids combined. You smile as you watch your son and daughter disagree over who gets to hold your friend's hand in the parking lot. You don't feel jealousy- just pure joy that your little ones love someone so much, that she's like a second mom to them.

It's at that moment that you realize how truly thankful you are for her, how blessed you are to have one of the best kinds of friendship that exist in this world.

The SAHM Life- The Not So Good

I'm really not feeling this mom thing today. Especially the stay at home mom thing.

It's raining for the umpteenth day in a row. I had forgotten how confined a space can feel when we don't have the outside (yard, parks, playgrounds) at our disposal.

I really want nothing more than to crawl up in the armchair with a good book and steaming cup of hot cocoa. Isn't that all anyone wants on a rainy, grey day? Have I ever done this on such a day? Why the heck didn't I do that before I had kids?

The grass is always greener.

I try to be cheerful even though the weather is getting me down. It's the day of Rosie's class field trip. The plan is to meet them at the farm. I look out the window, see the rain falling, and think how not conducive the weather is for hay rides and pumpkin picking.

Yet, I pack our things- snacks, water, extra diaper for Buddy- and get us dressed in our raincoats and boots.

As I drive to the farm we have never been to, one of the roads we come to is closed. DETOUR, the sign announces. I have to laugh. Of course, there is a winding detour today, of all days. Why am I even attempting to do this? Can someone remind me?

We make it to the farm, albeit 15 minutes late. Rosie's class greets us with excited shouts of welcome, and lo and behold, the ground is relatively dry and the sun is shining.

We have a good time. And I am reminded again of a quote that always seems to ring true on these days: "No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, show up and never give up." I was really glad I did. I would have felt that much worse if we hadn't gone!

Although my last blog entry was titled The SAHM Life- The Good, I couldn't bring myself to title this The SAHM Life: The Bad. Do we have bad days, the kids and I? You betcha. Some days I count the minutes until Steve gets home, until I get some relief in the form of an adult who can take responsibility and break up disputes alongside me.

But a "bad" day with the kids still beats what I used to consider a bad day at the office 5 years ago. Even on the worst of days as a stay at home mom, I know the reward in the end will pay off.

Some days I'm just not feeling the stay at home mom thing. That's okay. It doesn't mean I love my kids any less or don't think they're the best thing that ever happened to me besides Steve and chocolate (because I do).

It just means that I recognize that not every day can be a Really Good Day.

The SAHM Life- The Good

I feel like I've been doing this stay at home mom gig for approximately forever. In reality, it's been about 4 years and 2 months- almost as long as my post college job at the newspaper.

I love everything there is to love about being a stay at home mom today. The sun is shining brilliantly, and the kids and I have had one of those magical days together where there is minimal fighting, tempers and anguish on all our parts'.

We're the three amigos, just as happy as can be.

We just got in from our after lunch walk. What a lovely time it was! We went around the front, back and side yards looking at all our usual items of interest- minty smelling leaves from the random peppermint plants we have growing, the mums, our scarecrow "Princess". We then ran up the hill into the side yard, the crunch of autumn leaves beneath our feet. It wasn't long before we were chasing each other with fistfuls of those leaves, and the rays of sunlight through the bare branches of the maple tree shone brightly on our jackets and smiles.

It was a great moment. I reveled in it and bookmarked it in my mind because I know that before long I won't have both of my kids around me, playing, at 1:30pm on a weekday afternoon.

They will be in school, and my full-time stay at home mom days will be over.

Today, I'm not ready for that time to come. Today, I love what I do.

What My Best Friend Taught Me

I'm not sure where I'd be without my best friend.

We text daily and tell each other everything. We vent, we laugh. We question, we answer. We'd love to see each other in person more than we do but we both know how busy we are.

I was reminded just the other day of something very important that she taught me. Through example, my best friend taught me how to successfully empathize. Recognizing another person's feelings goes a long way.

How often do we listen to someone talk about something that's getting him or her down and we jump in with solutions and what could be done? I am guilty of this.

What I've found works a lot better (thanks, bestie!) is to actually first say the words that the other person needs to hear: "I'm really sorry you're going through this. I know how frustrated/ sad/ upset you must be."

I personally didn't even know I needed those words said to me, until she said them. It felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders- she was listening to me, she was hearing me...
and she seemed to feel my pain as if it were her own.

Wow.

Because I liked her approach so much, I've started using it with other people. It's gotten a good response! So easy to do, too. Now it's second nature to want to say these things to my friends.

I want them to know that I'm listening, that I care. I want them to know that I'm aware there may not be an easy fix to their solution, but that doesn't erase the fact that they are feeling helpless and stuck. Even if I can't help their problem, I can always listen. We all have that ability.

My best friend taught me how to better minister to friends and family, and for this I am grateful.

This Land is Your Land

I love when a new activity crops up that the kids and I want to do over and over repeatedly. Right now that activity is taking walks in the fields above our house. I don't know why we hadn't done this much sooner! Steve has been mowing a path to our back field for over a year now. I admit, I thought it was kind of silly at first. Not any more.

As soon as we finish lunch, we put on our boots and coats (if needed) and head out back. The chorus of crickets is mesmerizing. Bumblebees fly from one late summer wildflower to another, and the occasional grasshopper jumps across our path.

The hill is the hardest part for the kids. It seems soooo big to them, that I find myself saying: "We're almost at the top! You're doing a good job!" more often then not. As we reach the summit, the path meanders around a few bends, and then we find ourselves in the shade of a small part of the forest.

We step out of the forest into one of the fields that our ancestors tended to for so long. A few blueberry bushes from those days remain, but right now the field is full of goldenrod and ferns. The path is a straight shot through the middle, and the kids run down it in delight.

"This is yours", I whisper to Rosie and Buddy, even though they can't hear me. "This is your land, my land, dad's land. Before that, it was grampa's land, and his mom's land, and her dad's land, etc. May you always consider this your home, whether you're living here or on the other side of the earth."

I stop to breathe in the refreshing air, taking in all the notes of earth that fill my senses. I hear a plane flying overhead in the brilliant blue sky, and the kids' shrieks as they act out a pretend world complete with dragons and castles. I drop down in the grass beside them and let the sun warm my face.

This is life and it is good.

This Way

Running, giggling, talking a mile a minute sometimes, complete with hand gestures and an exaggerated pouty lip- Buddy is becoming more of a Big Kid every day. He can usually even keep up with them, but tires before they do. He's starting to think he doesn't need his two hour nap anymore, when in fact, he really could use it.

What I've been meaning to write about on here, so as to remember it always, is the way he likes to hug.

When he asks for a kiss and a hug at nap time, he scrunches up his lips in a pucker. I give him a kiss, then hug him, with my chin resting on his right shoulder. That's what most people would call a hug. Not Buddy.

He uses his hands to move my head to his other shoulder, saying "Now this way".

You know how the French kiss both cheeks? Buddy does not consider a hug complete unless I hug him twice, with my chin resting on each of his shoulders once.

It's so darn cute.

I love this boy to pieces.