Thankful for Every Little Thing

Last month I devoured a book called "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. In this book, a friend has challenged the author to find 1000 gifts from God in her day to day life. Because she's paying attention, she starts to find God's gifts even in the must mundane of places- washing the dishes, for example. She sees the rainbow colored bubbles rising and popping. She starts seeing God all throughout the ordinary that pervades her day.

As I read this book, I couldn't help but start noticing God's gifts that are ever present in my life. In less than 10 minutes I had a small list running in my head:

- the taste of warm banana bread that's freshly baked
- the smell of fresh coffee grounds
- the feel of Buddy's soft, warm cheek against mine as I get him up from his nap
- the smile that darts across Rosie's face when she's come up with a fun idea
- the smell of cold and aftershave on Steve when he hugs me when he gets home from work

All little things, but aren't the little things going to be what we remember most?

Since reading this book, I have continued to notice God's presence in my day to day life. It's reassuring, and I can't help but feel grateful for all of it. Even the nitty-gritty, because I think that's where we find God most often.

Thankful for Support

I've tried to be mindfully thankful this entire month. This week, as we approach Thanksgiving, I find myself being more and more grateful for our family. Our support network.

There are two women who come to mind immediately. One of them is my grandfather's lady friend, Marge. I know she is sent to us straight from God. When my grandmother passed 9 years ago, I didn't think there was much that was going to make my grandfather happy ever again. Then he met Marge and I saw him smile again. I got to know her more once I became a stay at home mom, and Rosie and I would go visit them. Once Buddy was born and I was feeling a little overwhelmed, she offered to watch him every week, so I could go grocery shopping with Rosie.

It made all the difference in the world.

I got one on one time with my baby girl, who, it's hard to believe, was only 16 months old when he was born. Marge watched Buddy once a week for a year and half. They have a very special bond because of it. Now she watches both of them when I have doctor or dentist appointments, and even when we went to an out of state wedding in September. Simply put, she is an angel. I don't know where I'd be without her. The kids love her and her gentle way. Marge, I am always, and this week especially, thankful for you.

The other woman I am extremely grateful for is my mother-in-law, Marcia. She loves her grandkids fiercely. She watches them whenever she can, and the kids love sleepovers at Nana's. I've always said that one of the best things we did was let them sleepover at her & Steve Sr.'s house early on because it's second nature to them now. This was particular handy when Buddy was born, and Rosie spent a few nights at Nana & Grampa's- it was nothing new to her!

Marcia. Another lady I don't know where I'd be without. Having lost my own mother, I know God has given me this nurturing, caring mother-in-law, and I am forever grateful. She's listened to my worries and has always been there for me, even in the delivery room that first time, when I just needed to grasp another woman's hand as the Doctor discussed a C-section (it didn't happen but I'll never forget that moment she let me whisper out my tear-filled worries and reassured me).

Thank you, God, for these amazing women and everyone else in our support network who constantly give us the strength to get over hurdles, both big and small. I am forever grateful that my kids are surrounded by people who love them so very much.

Friday Five: No Winter Weight Gain

It's late November and feasts and parties and dinners are on the docket for the next month. Last year, I managed to successfully keep losing weight through the winter, and if I could do that, there's no reason I shouldn't be able to maintain my current weight through these months.

Key components of my plan:

1. To constantly monitor my weight, stepping onto the scale at least every other day. If I see that number start to creep up, I will use my strategies to bring it back down- mainly keeping an eye on calorie intake.

2. Festive mixed drinks and spiked eggnog will abound, but I will stick to wine or beer (fewer calories). Except for hot chocolate with a little peppermint schnapps; I will definitely make an exception for that.

3. I will not feel obligated to eat. There was a time when I thought I should always take seconds, to show my host how good I thought everything was (even if I didn't really think so). Not anymore. I will not eat more of something just to be nice, even if someone nudges me with a plate of cookies- "Come on, take another." I am in control of what I eat, no one else. And if anyone if offended, well, that's just plain silly.

4. I will not load my plate with food I don't even care about. This kind of goes with the "I will not feel obligated to eat", but I thought I'd separate it as I realize now how much I used to do this. You know the buffet-style get-togethers, where there's a hodgepodge of food, some of it really good, a lot of it really bland? I used to just follow the crowd, filling my plate up with a little of everything. I was eating food I had no interest in. Nowadays, if I'm going to indulge a little, it won't be on food I don't care about. I will be choosy at the buffet, as the desserts will follow and I know I will want some of them.

5. I will continue to drink water like it's going out of style even though I find it harder to drink water in the colder months. Just last week I found myself hungry at a time I never usually am. The culprit? I hadn't drank enough water. I downed a bottle of water, and what do you know? I wasn't hungry anymore. It was a good reminder that thirst can often be mistaken for hunger.

Who's with me? We can do this!

Branching Out

Last month I got a call asking if I would be interested in the position of Secretary for the Goshen Historical Society.

Why, yes. I would be!

My ancestors, the Packards, were some of the first settlers of Goshen. I'm the 8th generation, living in the family homestead, surrounded by diaries and letters dating from 1798 to 1918. How could I not be part of the Historical Society?

I went to my first Board of Directors meeting. It was the first time I had ever taken minutes at a meeting, and I was kind of nervous about it. Turns out, it's just like note-taking in college and not very difficult. The main thing we talked about was what programs we were going to hold next year.

At that moment, I thought about the Eleanor Roosevelt magnet on my refrigerator that reminds me: "Do one thing every day that scares you."

Okay, Eleanor.

With a deep breath, I spoke up and offered to do a presentation on my family, specifically Edward Packard, my Great, Great Grandfather. This will be a program open to the public. To say I'm already kind of terrified is putting it mildly.

My plan is to go through all of those diaries and letters, jotting down the interesting parts- things that will paint a picture of the town in the late 1800s and early 1900s. Depending on how familiar you are with diaries from that era, you might know that most of the entries are pretty mundane: "Ed drew wood today", "4 of us went to services, the rest didn't". But tucked in here and there, you'll find little nuggets, like about gypsy wagons that traveled through town in 1904. Those are the parts I want to share with the public. I have these primary sources at my fingertips. They deserve a look through and a program dedicated to them.

Now let's hope I can read the handwriting well enough. I have until September to get this done!

Letting Loose

I can hardly believe the words as I type them, but... becoming a parent has taught me how to let loose.

To have fun, with pure abandonment, without a care in the world.

Surely I learned this pre-mommyhood, say, in college perhaps? Nope. Back then I still cared a lot about what other people thought. Back then I took hanging out with friends and having fun for granted.

Not anymore. Not after two kids.

This weekend, we went into Boston with our good friends to celebrate two of them turning 30. They rented a SUV so that the 7 of us could ride together. First stop was the Sam Adams Brewery for a tour and tastings. The tour guide said the rowdier we were, the more beer he'd pour, so we happily obliged with whoops, clapping and cheering. During the tasting at the end, we got our whole table singing "Sweet Caroline", something you never would have caught me doing pre-kids.

Next was one of Boston's best-kept secrets: the Sam Adams Brewery offers a free party trolley that takes you to Doyle's, the first pub that took a chance on serving Sam Adams. It's also a pub where a few famous movies have been filmed- "Mystic River" and "21". On the way there, the driver makes you laugh hysterically, by saying "DOYLE'S" in his awesome Boston accent, and playing "Oh What a Night" by Frankie Valli and the Four Tops at top volume. You can't help but get in a fun mood if you're not in one already.

After delicious appetizers at Doyle's, we hopped back on the party trolley to go back to the Brewery, where the SUV was parked. It was a warm day, so we decided to take over the back of the trolley. This time, the driver played "That's the Way I Like It", and we all started singing along to it, trying not to fall over when the trolley braked.

I couldn't stop smiling.

It was the most fun I had in a while.

Before you're a parent, you don't really realize how fortunate you are to be able to have friends over on a whim and to go out whenever you want to. Now, knowing how few and far between these moments with friends can be, I soaked in every minute. It felt really good, for one afternoon, to let loose on the back of a trolley in the streets of Boston.

The Birthday Cake of Choice

Steve's birthday was Wednesday, which meant I got to make this family's favorite birthday cake!

Duncan Hines Chocolate Raspberry Cake

Devil's Food cake mix
Raspberry preserves
Chocolate frosting
Cream cheese frosting
Raspberries

Make the cake according to the directions on the box, using two 8" round pans. Once the cakes have cooled, spread cream cheese frosting over the top of one of them. Next spread a layer of raspberry preserves. Put the other cake on top, to make it double layered, and spread chocolate frosting over the whole thing. Garnish with raspberries.

It's kind of amazing. Once you make it, it won't last long! A must for chocolate/raspberry lovers.

(The original recipe called for 2 cups sour cream added to the cake mix, but I found it plenty moist and flavorful without the added calories).

Outlet

I remember the first time that writing freed me.

I was in 6th grade. I had glasses, braces and not a whole lot of self esteem. In just a few short months I was going to go from being in a class of 11 to a class of 120. We were going to jump out of the small pond that was our local school to the regional middle/ high school, miles away.

I didn't realize how much I had built up my feelings about all that was going on around me, until I got my hands on a spare notebook at home. On a whim, I just started writing whatever came to mind- even if they were mean, hateful things. Once I started, I couldn't stop, and with every word I felt relief. In this private notebook, I could say what I felt about anyone and anything.

I could get it out of my system.

I did just that, for months. I took that notebook everywhere, even on car rides. Sometimes I even included illustrations. I wrote and wrote. It was soon after that I began journaling, which I did right up until college.

I found that once I met the love of my life, the one I could tell anything to, I didn't feel a need to write so much. I found that once I met genuine friends, ones that related to me on things I didn't think possible, I didn't feel the need to journal.

I've been writing, again, for seven months now on this blog. This time, not to free me as much as document. I want to formulate, into the written word, thoughts that pass through my mind.

I remember the first time writing freed me. I had found an outlet. It feels good to be plugged into it once again.

That One Moment

It was a particularly tough afternoon in the Estelle household.

I wasn't feeling up to par, it was right before nap time and kids were cranky. Out of the blue, I see Rosie go up to Buddy, put her hands gently on his cheeks and say:

"Thank you, God, for Buddy."

Any frustration I felt melted away instantly and I was transformed into a puddle of mush. I couldn't believe my daughter had just spontaneously thanked God for something. Every night, we ask her what she would like to thank God for, but this? Completely from right field.

That One Moment transformed the day.

Thank you, God.

Friday Five: Ways I Save Money

I feel like I am finding new ways to save money left and right. Here are the most recent ones that have made a difference in my pocket book:

1. Target REDcard Debit Card. Most every store offers a credit card, but few offer debit cards. Target does, and I wish I had known about it much sooner! It links directly to your bank account, and takes the money out in the exact way that your regular debit card would. The difference is, every time you use your REDcard, you get 5% taken right off your purchase automatically! And, as if that wasn't good enough, get this: Free shipping, no minimum, off target.com. I was able to order Rosie's winter jacket as soon as it went on sale without driving 30 minutes each way. Love it.

2. Cumberland Farms SmartPay Card. Yet another debit card that does the same thing as my regular debit card, except that when I use it, I get 10 cents off a gallon. I paid $3.19/ gallon for gas yesterday. Amazing.

3. Downgraded our cable package. Late this summer, I noticed our DirecTV bill had gone up about $6. As we hadn't taken a look at the different packages they offered since we moved in three years ago, I gave them a ring. I asked about the package that was one step below the one we currently had, and found out that we were only losing one channel that we would have liked, but were okay to go without. The sales associate was very respectful and didn't try to talk me out of it, which I appreciated. Now our bill is the same as it was before the price hike, but at least it's not any higher.

4. After- holiday sales. There was a time when I'd see the Halloween display a week after the event, and just look away, because I had enough. They had that stuff up since August and I was sick of looking at it! How things have changed. Now I see that huge pile of Halloween stuff and make a beeline for it. It's everything they were selling at regular price, except now it's 50-75% off! I think ahead to next year's party and what we'll need. This week I bought $9.50 worth of Halloween items for $3.74. To say I'm psyched is an understatement.

5. Coupons & Coupon Codes sent to my email. It's hardly ground breaking, as I'm sure most people get promotional emails sent to them, but these coupon codes have helped me save a bit. As I don't like weeding through personal email and promotional emails, I made a separate account for each- I have an email I use solely for all those times any store asks for my email. It keeps my personal email from getting cluttered. I unsubscribe from the stores I barely shop at, but keep my eye out for emails from my favorites, and often get some great deals because of it.

What's your money saving secret that I should know about? Do tell!

What No One Tells You: Toddler / Preschooler Edition

What no one tells you about being a parent to a toddler/preschooler is that:

- you will develop a love-hate relationship with kid food because you serve it day in and day out. Right now I'm loving peanut butter & jelly sandwiches, but if I never saw another Goldfish again I would be a very happy person.

- some in this age group develop their own code language to indicate they don't like something, i.e. "I'm getting cold" or "I'm getting tired". Innocent onlookers, not realizing it's code, will honestly think your child is either cold or tired, and as the only actually tired person in the trio, you will not possess the ability to explain the code language.

- when your child says no, they really mean yes. But sometimes they mean no or kind of.

- you could own every toy in the world, but your kids will prefer to play with rocks, sand and milkweed pods.

Last but not least, what no one tells you about being a parent to a toddler/ preschooler is that you will get your best laughs and your biggest tears from the things they say. One day, Rosie told me: "You already did lost your mind, mama" (I'm still laughing at that one). The next week, she tells me: "Grampa should come down now." Me: "Down from where?" Rosie: "Heaven. I really miss him!"

It's those kinds of things, said completely out of the blue, that will knock you straight down when you least expect it. Toddler/ preschooler honesty is tough and beautiful all at once.

That Hour

I went to set our lunch down at the kitchen table, and noticed that because of the time change, the light fell differently across the smooth wooden grains. It was shining on Rosie's spot at the table instead of Buddy's.

(Just one of many things I was too busy to notice ever before)

We turned the clocks back and we gained an hour. And with that hour comes something wonderful- it's no longer pitch dark at 6:30am- but also something I kind of dread.

The loss of late afternoon light.

My mood depends on the sun being out more than I care to admit. Gray days still make me want to crawl back into bed and watch movies and read books all day, something little ones don't always care for. Lucky for me, one of my best friends relies on sunshine as much as I do, so we send each other virtual sunshine rays through text. Never fails to make me smile.

When I worked at the newspaper, winter was brutal for me, moral-wise. I drove to work in the dark, and drove home in more of the same. I only had a 30 minute lunch, and hardly ever ventured off the grounds during that time. There weren't a lot of windows, and I barely saw the sun, in retrospect. It's no wonder I felt lousy.

I've gotten better when it comes to this time of year. I think it's the simple fact that our house faces south, and on a sunny day, the rays shine brightly into the house through our many front windows. It's an instant mood booster to see that beautiful light falling on us as the kids and I color and play.

I'm sure there will be days when the darkness of winter will get me down, but maybe as long as I keep noticing the little things, like the way the sun shines across the table, I'll come out of this winter on top. I'll try to enjoy every ray of sunshine that comes my way.

Make the Time

Something I read in a magazine this week caught my eye: "'I never made time to read because life was so busy, but then I realized that life would always be busy. Now I read every day.'" (Parents, October 2013).

Have truer words ever been spoken? "...but then I realized that life would always be busy". It always will be. Life doesn't just stop. No one steps in the middle of your day and says: "OK. Go read now. Go exercise. Everything will be on hold until you get back".

You have to make the time. You have to be your biggest advocate.

I make time to walk the dogs, write in a diary and read a chapter in my book before bed. I make time to see friends, cook healthy meals and visit relatives.

What don't I make time for? Things that don't matter that much to me (painting my nails, cleaning my house with a fine-tooth comb and playing online games come to mind). A favorite quote of mine is: "If it matters to you, you will find the time. If not, you will find an excuse."

Many women seem to hold themselves back, putting themselves on a hook of "I have too much to do" and not allowing themselves to do the things that would make them happier. On the other hand, a lot of men don't seem to have this hang-up. They seem to make plenty of time for the things they enjoy (and as well they should as long as it doesn't interfere with their family or life in a negative way).

If you really, really want to go to a concert and your husband doesn't want to go, go with a friend. Even if you have kids, it doesn't mean that everything has to be done as a family or with your spouse. You need to continue growing as a person, too. You didn't just stop being You when you got married and became a mother.

You deserve time to grow. As soon as you can convince yourself of this, you'll be able to convince those near and dear, and then you can advocate for what you want and need in your life.