Those Hills and That Mountain

The view at the top of the quarry still catches my breath.

Rolling, green hills bathed in early evening sunlight. An occasional house or barn spotting the hillside. And, when I look further to the west, in the haze, I see That Mountain.

That Mountain that I lived and studied next to during my four years at college. Mt. Greylock.

I was overjoyed the first time I spotted it. At first I wasn't quite sure, but then I saw the familiar top of that tower, and the Lime-Marble Quarry next to it on the left.

I met some of the most important people in my life while living next to that mountain. I met my husband within the first 5 months of being there. I met amazing women and men who I forged lifetime friendships with: friendships that always pick up where they left off.

I laughed, cried and learned so much at the base of that mountain. It was where I became independent for the first time in my life. Whew, that was a sharp learning curve. Bye-bye, savings account!

How is it possible that it was 12 years ago that I started those adventures?

I look at that mountain now, and remember the excitement I felt about going back there to start another school year. I remember leafing through the Target flier, looking for good deals on all that I thought I needed to have that year. I remember feeling sad about leaving Goshen because it had finally started to feel like home again after being back for 3.5 months, but also feeling relieved because I longed to be independent again.

I look, smile, and remember. Then I look down the hill, towards our house, and think about my college sweetheart and the two kids in their beds that exist because of us meeting by that mountain. I call Maggie, and pull Scout's leash, and walk down off the quarry with a warm heart.

Pickle Time

It's a summer tradition in our house to make my grandmother's pickle recipe. They're not sweet pickles, they're just about the opposite of that. They make you pucker a little, but I haven't met anyone yet who doesn't like them!

Pickling cucumbers are a dime a dozen this time of year (well, not literally, but almost!), and when you can these pickles, you get to enjoy them through the whole fall, winter and spring until the following year when you make them again.

They're really easy:

Grandma C's Pickles

1 dozen good sized cucumbers
6 medium onions
1/2 cup salt
1 quart vinegar
1 cup Wesson (canola) oil
1/4 cup mustard seed
1 tablespoon celery seed

Do not peel cucumbers. Slice into 1/4" rounds. Put into large pot and sprinkle with salt. Let stand 3 hours.

Drain. Add chopped onion and the rest of the ingredients. Let stand 3 days. <----- This is the best part! After all, you "need" to try them throughout the 3 days, and they're just sitting there, waiting for you to test them. :)

Seal into jars.

Enjoy!

Three

Dear Rosie,

Tomorrow you turn three.

Just the other day, your uncle, aunt and great grandpa were commenting on how much you've grown since they last saw you. You were eating unfamiliar food off your plate, and smiling and conversing. You used to be so shy when people came over that you would cling to me the entire time. I knew it was a stage that would pass, and while you're still incredibly shy from time to time, that's okay.

It's not a bad thing. It's okay to be cautious, to be weary about the unfamiliar. Don't let anyone ever make you feel bad about your shyness. Not everyone has to be outgoing. When it takes you a few minutes to warm up to a new situation, I understand. I'm that way, too.

On the other hand, you've been running up to kids left and right at the various playgrounds we go to, and it makes me so very, very happy. You make quick friends, and run around with them, shrieking and laughing. It makes my heart so happy when I see you enjoying yourself. One big change in the past year for you is that you intentionally seek out the things and activities you enjoy. I love to see the different interests that emerge every day, whether it's playing basketball or being Minnie Mouse.

Your creativity and imagination are through the roof. While you only nap occasionally now, you will spend a good hour or more in the afternoon, playing with your toys in your room, imagining ornate worlds that I only wish I could see, too. It doesn't take much- sometimes a play cup and spoon is all you need to start dancing and singing around the house for several minutes at a time. What's fun is that Buddy wants to do everything you do now, and you often delight in him running around with you.

I can honestly say that it is hard to imagine my life before you, Rosemarie Donna. You really are my little sidekick these days, and we talk about most everything as we go through our days together. You are my one and only little girl, and if I hold onto you a little tighter and longer sometimes, it's only because I'm so thankful I have you.

I love you forever and ever,
Mama

Feel this Moment

There was the relaxing sound of the water moving over the rocks in the river. The sun beat down on us, warming our skin but not making it too hot. There was a beautiful bright blue sky with both white and dark clouds passing by.

And I was in a tube, for the first time ever.

Not just any tube- a nice one with a backrest and cup holder. I was in a newfound Vermont heaven.

My friend and I sat in our tubes in a very shallow part of the river and chatted about life. About how her boys were nearly grown up, about how my babies still needed so much from me, and while I was happy to give it, I needed times like this, too.  We talked about the importance of friends, girlfriends in particular.

I felt that moment.

I closed my eyes, leaned back, and took in the warmth of the sun. I felt the coolness of the can on my fingertips, and I heard the guys laughing as they drifted towards us. I knew this was one of those moments that I wanted to memorize, so I could access it whenever I wanted to, like on a bleak day in January when the temperature doesn't get above 10 degrees and I think summer will never arrive.

I knew it was a moment so I made it a point to be present. I think I'm slowly getting better at that.

Reflections a Year Later: The Eating Part

I distinctly remember the moment in which I realized not only was I modeling bad eating habits, I was passing them off to my children, too.

I was making grilled cheese sandwiches for myself, Rosie and Buddy. He was about 7.5 months, and we were slowly starting him on table foods. I was going to just add some chips to my plate and call it done. I had stopped adding fruits and veggies to Rosie's lunch plate a while ago because she just wouldn't eat them.

No wonder. Why would she eat them if she never saw me eat them? The light bulb switched on.

How did I expect my kids to eat healthily if I wasn't? Why did I think Rosie would happily crunch into a carrot if she saw me happily crunching potato chips? And here I was, not adding veggies to Buddy's plate, either, even though he was exactly at the age where I should be starting him on the right foot.

The answer was simple. I needed to put a veggie and fruit on each of our plates every meal (Okay, except breakfast- I still can't eat fruit or veggies that early in the morning. The kids get fruit though). It didn't matter if they didn't always eat it. I needed to make it available all the time, and I needed to eat it, too.

That's when my healthy lifestyle changes began, and when I started my journey to losing 62 lbs overall.

In the beginning of my journey, I used to freak out a little bit when I went to a restaurant (how do I know the calorie count?) or when I indulged just a little too much. Every time I felt overly full, I felt fat again, and like I had gone 10 steps backward.

The truth is:

1. You can indulge a little, once in a while. When I see a brownie at a party, I pounce on it because I never make them anymore. The difference between now and then is I'll just eat the one brownie, not three.

2. If you eat only half of what you're served at a restaurant, you're probably in the clear. And then you'll have the rest for delicious leftovers the next day!

3. Good food makes you feel good. I never used to have this much energy before I amped up my fruit and veggie intake. Between that, and a lot of water drinking, my body is a clean running machine that keeps me going and going.

4. There is such a thing as a food hangover. I ate at Friendly's a few months ago, and felt awful and lethargic the rest of the day. I sadly realized I used to feel this way all the time, but didn't know any better at the time. Once you start eating cleanly, your body notices when you eat something particularly greasy. You are what you eat. Unhealthy food makes you tired. Fresh, healthy food gives you energy.

I started eating more healthily because I wanted to do better by my kids. It was one thing to make myself overweight and unhealthy, but it was an entirely different thing to pass it onto them. I also did it because I was finally ready to.

When I had a hard time tearing the kids away from the blackberry bush last week, I could only smile. It was exactly the kind of thing I had been hoping would happen.

Advice from an Old Married Lady

Okay. So I'm hardly "old" and Steve and I don't have everything about marriage figured out, but as we near our 7 year anniversary, I've been thinking about what I've learned about marriage and relationships in that time.

1. Do your thing, do things with friends and do things with each other. It can be easy to lose yourself in marriage and parenthood. Make the time to do things you enjoy. Make the time to go out to dinner with a friend. Time to do these things is not all of a sudden going to appear. You have to make the time for them. It can also be easy to lose your identity as a couple, even when you live under the same roof. It's way too easy to zone out in front of the TV, each of you with a lap top. Watch shows and movies together, without the distraction of phones and computers. Do a puzzle or play a game together. Whatever you do, keep doing it, because it builds a connection that nothing else can.

2. Have weekly rituals. Two of ours are Massage Monday and Wine Wednesday. Massage Monday, we lie out on the living room carpet with pillows and blankets and give each other back massages while watching one of our DVR'd shows. Wine Wednesday is pretty much a weekly date night at home. It's as simple as sharing a bottle of wine in the evening every Wednesday. When life seems hectic, I can always count on these rituals to look forward to. I swear it's made our weeks that much better (especially Mondays!) because we no longer only look forward to the weekend.

3. Fight it out. When we have a disagreement, we fight it out (verbally, of course) until it's dead. We have been known to stay up until 2am doing this, if need be (thankfully that has been very rare). I can count on one hand the number of times we've gone to bed angry. It's so much better to just get it all out, and get it over with. Stifling your anger only turns into resentment. It doesn't just magically disappear.

There are so many more things I've learned but they won't fit in this one post. I can only imagine how much more I'll learn in our next 7 years of marriage.

Parenting is...

Parenting is:

- playing "Rock, Paper, Scissors" to decide who has to change the baby's diaper.

- letting your 3 year old smell the Gummy Vitamin bottle every time she eats one because she asks to, and really, what's the harm?

- knowing that "I'm getting cold" is actually said 3 year old's code for "I gotta pee!"

- taking the diaper off your 18 month old son for 2 minutes, only to see him pee on the floor, stop, then walk over to his sister's toy to pee on that instead.

- watching your daughter put two lines of Trolls (yup, the ones we played with in the 90's) in front of her bedroom door to "stop the dogs from coming in".

- falling, exhausted, into your partner's arms at the end of the day, and high fiving it, because somehow, someway, you just survived another day of the craziness that is Parenthood.

Kids and Dogs

I'd be lying if I said there haven't been times since we had kids that I've wished we didn't have dogs.

We adopted Scout just four short years ago. He really was our baby, and we took him Everywhere. We were those people.

Needless to say, Scout doesn't leave our house very much anymore. Partially because we can't fit him, Maggie, 2 kids and 2 adults in a Focus, but mostly because once you have kids, bringing the dogs on small couple hour outings just doesn't make sense.

Because we suffer from Dog Parent Amnesia as well as Parent Amnesia, we agreed to take in another dog last fall. Her name is Maggie and she's a 6 year old golden retriever. She's a love. Our friends, who were moving, couldn't take her with them, and the people that were supposed to take her, backed out that day. Steve was able to convince me that it was worth taking her in and seeing if it would work out, because worst came to worst, she would end up at the animal shelter, which is where she was going to go anyway.

I don't regret it.

She is very clearly Buddy's dog. She greets him with kisses every morning, and she lets him tug and pull on her like nobody's business. He literally lights up when he sees her. They are the best of friends and you know they'll be exploring the outdoors together every day in just a few years.

Scout is very clearly Rosie's dog. While she detests Maggie's kisses, she squeals when Scout comes slowly in the room, wagging his tail. She's learned to pet him nicely and I can see him sleeping on her bed someday.

When I watch Rosie gently pet Scout's head and Buddy bury his face in Maggie's fur, I know without a doubt that having dogs is one of the best things for our kids. I think it has made them love animals in general. I remember how much my dog meant to me when I was little. You never forget your first dog.

So even though the dogs wake the kids up sometime, and drive me batty by chewing up toys and underwear, I do still love them and am glad we have them.

Where Are You Going?

I went to close the bedroom door to Buddy's room at my in-laws this week, and I was thrown back in time.

Instead of seeing my goofy son smiling at me through the rails of his crib, I saw the two armchairs that Steve used to have set up in that room, facing a TV that had Nintendo 64 hooked up to it. That was 11 years ago this summer. It was in that room that we escaped from the rest of the household, where he first sang "Where Are You Going?" by Dave Matthews to me, and where it became our song.

When I went to tuck Rosie into her bed in her room at my in-laws, I looked around at the familiar furniture and shapes and thought about how this used to be my room when I spent the night, and how I always felt right at home.

A rerun of the Colbert Report was on and it immediately made me think of the fall of 2005, the year we graduated college, when we used to spend several nights in a row at each other's house. We watched that first episode together eight years ago, both exhausted after our first few weeks at our first real jobs out of college.

I had forgotten how peaceful it is here. Right now I hear nothing but crickets chirping. At home, I'd be hearing cars. Home. We've been away over two weeks. It's our last night here in Worthington, and while it's been challenging at times (the beagle getting loose, car troubles, tired kids), it's been a fun ride.

I've enjoyed glimpsing our past and making new memories that I'm sure we'll talk about for a long time to come.

Sequins in the Sunlight

It has been a turbulent summer.

Grampa Pease passed. My aunt passed a month later.

Their passings cast a shadow on even the sunniest of summer days.

I've been emotional and weepy at times. I try to put my best face forward when I'm with the kids all day, kind of the way I used to at work. They have some idea that some "sad" things have happened this summer, but they don't know specifics. They are really good at distracting me from my negative thoughts.

One day last week was a perfect example. Rosie had put on one of her princess costumes, and as she plopped down on the rug on a patch of sunshine, the sequins on her straps lit up and cast shiny diamonds around the entire room. She noticed it herself: "Mom! Look!", as she pointed excitedly at the ceiling and walls.

What she didn't know was that her sequin straps were making the diamonds. When I told her, I delighted in watching her twist and turn to make the shapes move. She sat in absolute wonder.

I snapped a few pictures and just watched her, with the biggest smile on my face. I love watching my kids experience things like this for the first time. It reminds me that there have been many bright spots this summer, shimmering on the edge of my vision.

Now I need to make them my focus.

What No One Tells You: Newborn Edition

What no one tell you about newborns is that:

- not all of them are sleepy. In fact, some are bright eyed and bushy tailed from Day 1 and you seriously wonder if you read the baby book wrong. Didn't they say newborns slept 16 to 17 hours a day?

- not only are not all of them sleepy, some have a really hard time falling asleep. I used to try just about anything to get Rosie to go to sleep. Guaranteed Methods: nursing, the car and the bathroom fan. Buddy just needed a pacifier, a swaddle and rocking. Different babies, different preferences.

- trying on countless cute outfits grows old. Quickly. No sleep deprived parent has time to mess around with little buttons and bows. Zip-up sleep n play one piece pajamas and onsies are your friends. I didn't have fun dressing Rosie up until she was at least 6 months old. Until then? Pure survival mode.

- a milk-drunk baby, asleep after either the breast or the bottle, is a hilarious and most lovable sight.

- just when you thought your son couldn't possibly spray you again while you change his diaper, he does. Happy to report these incidences dramatically reduce after the first few months.

Most of all, what no tells you about newborns, is that you might feel like a stranger in your own home as you conquer the first sleepless days weeks months of parenthood, but at the same time you've never felt more at home than with your baby on your chest. When you wake up to your newborn's cries at 2am, when they just went back down at 1am, you will want to cry because you'll wonder how you'll make it through with this little sleep. You can do it; you will do it, and when you do it you'll be amazed by all that you can accomplish on less than four hours sleep and a cup of coffee. Or amazed by all that you can't accomplish, because in those first few weeks of parenthood, if you've been able to take a few showers, eat a couple of meals and sleep a few hours, you are a success. Anything more than that is purely extra.

Life Interrupted

The kids are resting, the dryer is going and the dishwasher is humming.

Clearly, I am not in my house.

We have been living with my in-laws for the past week while my husband and father-in-law sand, stain and polyurethane our living room and dining room floors. It has been slow going, because when my ancestors decided to be thrifty and paint around the carpets (true story), they put down this maroon paint that is almost impossible to take up with a sander. I have been informed that any other rooms with this paint will not be sanded.

The first few days of living here were a little bit crazy. And there was every reason for it be that way- it was five adults, two kids and three dogs trying to find a new every day normal. The fifth adult is Great Grandma Pease, which means we have four generations living under one roof. It's pretty amazing when you think about it.

Things I have learned on this adventure:

1. Dishwashers are, in fact, a marvelous invention. Before last week, I had never used or loaded a dishwasher in my life. Now I've been loading the dishwasher every day, and I've got to say, it's going to be hard to go back to hand washing!

2. Dryers are as amazing as I remembered. Not having to time laundry according to the weather forecast? Astounding. Being able to wash and dry a load of clothes at 9pm? Priceless.

3. One dog is great, two dogs are fun, but three dogs are too much. Especially when they all bark at once and wake up the kids. Especially when I want to walk all of them, but end up picking and choosing because everyone knows a Beagle on a leash is hard enough.

While this many people and dogs in one house can be kind of intense, I have to remind myself that before I know it, we'll be back at our house. Time goes quickly. It's not everyday I can walk out the door for my nightly walk and go several different directions instead of just up to the quarry. It's not everyday that other people make us breakfast and dinner, and it's definitely not every day that I'm around someone who bakes different desserts every afternoon (Great Gram).

Before I know it, we'll be stuck in the house during the colder months and craving a change in pace. Might as well make the most of this!