Three Years Ago

Three years ago this week, I woke up knowing I should take a pregnancy test.

It seemed like a crazy notion. After all, I had just stopped pumping breast milk for Rosie. After all, it had taken almost a year and a half to get pregnant the first time.

I waited the recommended amount of time, then tiptoed back into the bathroom to take a look. There was the evidence, plain as day- a very dark line forming a cross in the little white indicator circle.

I was pregnant.

I was thrilled and a little bit terrified. It had happened so easily this time, without even trying. Just a mere nine months after giving birth, my body was yet again home to one of our children.

I wept with joy. Rosie herself had been such a blessing after months of trying, and here was another blessing already. I started to do the calculations in my head, figuring the two would be about 18 months apart.

(Not quite. Turns out I was already 8 weeks pregnant. Our kids would be about 16 months apart).

As the reality shift tried to take hold in my mind, I heard Rosie's cooing from her crib. I went up the stairs, and opened the door to find my baby girl smiling away. I took my nine month old into my arms and whispered through my tears: "You're going to be a big sister!"

Then sad thoughts filled my head... she wouldn't be the baby for very long, should we have waited, how could I love another child as much as I love her...

(None of those things turned out to be an issue, because everyone adjusts (even 16 month olds), and a mom's heart is only capable of expanding, nothing less).

Before I knew I was pregnant, I had grandiose plans on how I would tell the news to Steve this time.

Didn't happen.

Instead I called him up as soon as I brought Rosie downstairs, and through more happy yet slightly anxious tears, I blurted out the news. He was as happy as I was.

While our little Buddy was not planned, per say, we always knew we wanted more children, which is why we didn't try to prevent it after Rosie was born. God knew it was time that we added one more blessing to our family.

Of course, He was right. Buddy came exactly when he should have. And while it seemed a little crazy at the time, with how close in age they were, it has all worked out for the best. If I could do it again, differently, I wouldn't.